A jab in the "old wound" Posted by Bubbly89 , Tuesday, January 10, 2012 at 4:12 PM, in

Sometimes, when people refer to me as the "repeat" student, I feel like a stab in my pride. Like I'm being branded as something as a "lower" being kinda thing...Despite the fact that I know that they didn't even know what they're saying is actually kinda hurting in a way.

That's when I think maybe, a bit too much. I'll keep on thinking about my failure again. There was once, a person told me, "After you've passed whatever exam you failed in, you move on right." Well, I guess, for an outsider, there's no way a person could understand the feelings that we have regarding repeating year.

No, we don't move on. I mean, that is, at least for me, I don't. The thought of me failing will always be stuck inside my head, and I will always think about how things should have been and so on and so forth. When I look back on things that I've achieved, achieving straight A's in my A-level, being the first one to finish all exams when I was in first year and first semester of second year, I'm not trying to brag about my achievements, but can anyone even imagine, just how much the blow to my pride when I somehow ended up repeating year? It's like you're enjoying your view at the top of a skyscraper and someone pushed you off the edge kinda feeling is the feeling you get. And imagine that's what you're supposed to live with for the rest of your life.

Still, people can just be so indifferent about how we feel. They don't even know the amount of time we spent convincing ourselves that we're not that stupid at all or, that we're not a failure. But I guess, no one could ever understand that unless they've been through it. What I would say is, I'm really proud of what I've managed to pull myself through...being at the bottom of a well and drowning in my own misery and then working hard to pull myself up again... I can only assure you is that, this is not something anyone can do...And that's why I'm proud to say, I've made it!!!

Yet, sometimes when people who don't understand you, belittle your efforts and the turmoils you've been through, it's just mind-blowingly maddening. I mean, for once, they should just stop saying things they don't understand and get into people's shoe. If they couldn't do that much, they should have the courtesy to shut their mouth.