Finally home after days of extreme stress and exhaustion. Back to the heat and rain. Hahaha...
On the day of my exam, it was of course super tension. Thank God I passed after all the amount of stress of having to go through the writen test and the waiting for the result of the writen test.
While waiting for the result, of course calculating the chance of passing, getting which professor and stuffs like that. Well, in the end, I passed the writen test and got Liska as my examiner, which was of course the better choice than the other examiner.
Really thank God I got easy questions but then because it's easy, there's not much to explain. Sigh... so in the end, was struggling enough to think of things to explain.
Thank God Liska was really nice that day. He was super nice to let me pass. Lol!!!
So, directly after exam, went back, booked flight ticket and went back on the night itself.
Of course, taking the long flight was something I dreaded but the final destination was something to look forward to.
The flight wasn't as nice as I expected it to be. MAS is still the best. Lol!!
Finally arrived in Singapore Changi Airport at 6.45pm of 26Jan. Met my second brother. Went to have korean food with my brother's friend.
Left in the morning of the next day for the flight back to Kuching. Arrived in Kuching 12.10pm and met my eldest brother and mom.
So fianlly, I can say I'M HOME!!!!!
New lesson learnt
Something just hit me when I was browsing through the internet, that is, people won't take the time to try to understand your real meaning as soon as they see something you said that's critising them. Pity right?
I was once in that kind of situation once. Not really long ago. Misunderstanding because some friends were telling me this friend this and that. Then, confronted the friend. Friend didn't consider the misunderstanding part, just considered the part where I confronted. Shit right? Yup, definitely. One thing, I was stupid myself as well. Believed the words of some people said before considering whether these people were good people or not. So, when things happened, these "people" just said, "Oh, you shouldn't have done that. That friend should have his/her reason (not specifying gender, scared I will be bombarded again). You should have considered his/her situation." I tell you, it's really bullshit. Shouldn't have trust these double-faced people. And damn it when that friend didn't even bother who was the one planted the misunderstanding into me.
People always quote me when I say something wrong. They never give a damn thought about as to why I will have that certain kind of thought. All they were thinking is, "That Francesca said this and that about me. How could she?". When confront me, they say, "You said this and that didn't you? You think is it correct for you to say this? Very disappointing....blah blah blah..." Too many version, couldn't remember all of them.
Well, the best part is, I didn't particularly refer to them when I was writing about them in my blog or elsewhere. Mind you, I never even tell a single soul directly, as in verbal conversation, about anything that anyone did to me. For goodness sake, I didn't even mention names. OMG!! I can't even have a single freedom in writing my blog? What shit is this? At least I didn't say it straight to them like, " Actually I don't like you." like what I did back in high school. Which, of course, made me the most hated person in the whole school. Well, what to do? I would rather be straightforward than to badmouth certain people to certain people.
Now that the more I think of it, the angrier I am. And the angrier I am, the more I can't study. Shit!!! I hate this cycle.
Well then, to prevent any more misunderstanding and more people disliking me and never consider my standing, I need to take some precaution then. Here goes nothing. People who read my blog and are hurt by it, I apologise but I hope you should consider my standing before judging me and consider whether if yourself is in the wrong as well. Thanks to the folks who read my blog and didn't get hurt and bear grudges against me!!! :-)
P/s: No offense intended.
I was once in that kind of situation once. Not really long ago. Misunderstanding because some friends were telling me this friend this and that. Then, confronted the friend. Friend didn't consider the misunderstanding part, just considered the part where I confronted. Shit right? Yup, definitely. One thing, I was stupid myself as well. Believed the words of some people said before considering whether these people were good people or not. So, when things happened, these "people" just said, "Oh, you shouldn't have done that. That friend should have his/her reason (not specifying gender, scared I will be bombarded again). You should have considered his/her situation." I tell you, it's really bullshit. Shouldn't have trust these double-faced people. And damn it when that friend didn't even bother who was the one planted the misunderstanding into me.
People always quote me when I say something wrong. They never give a damn thought about as to why I will have that certain kind of thought. All they were thinking is, "That Francesca said this and that about me. How could she?". When confront me, they say, "You said this and that didn't you? You think is it correct for you to say this? Very disappointing....blah blah blah..." Too many version, couldn't remember all of them.
Well, the best part is, I didn't particularly refer to them when I was writing about them in my blog or elsewhere. Mind you, I never even tell a single soul directly, as in verbal conversation, about anything that anyone did to me. For goodness sake, I didn't even mention names. OMG!! I can't even have a single freedom in writing my blog? What shit is this? At least I didn't say it straight to them like, " Actually I don't like you." like what I did back in high school. Which, of course, made me the most hated person in the whole school. Well, what to do? I would rather be straightforward than to badmouth certain people to certain people.
Now that the more I think of it, the angrier I am. And the angrier I am, the more I can't study. Shit!!! I hate this cycle.
Well then, to prevent any more misunderstanding and more people disliking me and never consider my standing, I need to take some precaution then. Here goes nothing. People who read my blog and are hurt by it, I apologise but I hope you should consider my standing before judging me and consider whether if yourself is in the wrong as well. Thanks to the folks who read my blog and didn't get hurt and bear grudges against me!!! :-)
P/s: No offense intended.
Disney's Fan
I must admit, that I'm one hell of a Disney's cartoons' die-hard fan. Lol!! Grew up watching Disney's classics. It's hard not to love those cartoons when they have such beautiful drawings and most of all, soundtracks. I really love to listen to the songs in the cartoons.
My first ever VCD was The Little Mermaid. My mom gave it for my birthday long time ago. I remember like watching it countless times when I first had it. Because usually my birthday was usually during school holidays, so as soon as I woke up from my bed, I would immediately pop the VCD into the player and started watching and singing. Lol!!! My whole family got so used to it.
And I thought that I was the only one who still likes Disney's cartoons even though I'm quite a grown up...until last night. I was humming away one of the songs in Beauty and the Beast. And surprisingly, Adeline asked me what song was it because she knew it was a cartoon's song. Then, I got to know that she's also a Disney's fan. Hahahaha...I guess I'm not a weirdo then. Lol!!!
My first ever VCD was The Little Mermaid. My mom gave it for my birthday long time ago. I remember like watching it countless times when I first had it. Because usually my birthday was usually during school holidays, so as soon as I woke up from my bed, I would immediately pop the VCD into the player and started watching and singing. Lol!!! My whole family got so used to it.
And I thought that I was the only one who still likes Disney's cartoons even though I'm quite a grown up...until last night. I was humming away one of the songs in Beauty and the Beast. And surprisingly, Adeline asked me what song was it because she knew it was a cartoon's song. Then, I got to know that she's also a Disney's fan. Hahahaha...I guess I'm not a weirdo then. Lol!!!
Something random that came into my mind as I study genetics
As I read through my Genetics and the presentations and saw the pictures of the white mice, they reminded me of the "pet" I once had - a white mouse as well. An albino to be exact. I use the "" because initially it wasn't supposed to be my pet. It was for my brother's Form 6 dissection of mice.
My brother bought a pair of white mice to breed enough number for his experiment. The female mouse had only one hand. Super cute and a bit intriguing as I looked at how it worked its way through everyday stuffs like eating with just one hand and doing a lot of stuffs with one hand. Then, the day finally came when she actually gave birth but then like all first timers, my brother didn't know how to handle them. In the end, only one survived.
The one which survived became "the apple of my eye". I know, the phrase seems a bit crazy and out of place. But it did bring me a lot of joy and happiness. We named it "JuneJoe" which was actually the combination of my brother's teachers because he didn't like them. Well, anyway, because it was really a cute handsome fella (hahahaha.. it's a male), I always wanted to touch it when it grew enough to prevent itself from being eaten by his mom if she sensed my scent.
The first time I carried it out from the cage, with the mother looking away, it was chaos. As soon as I grabbed him out of the cage, he ran up my arm and was like super crazy. After that, I could see that it was scared so I put it back. Ever since then, I kept on calling it Junejoe everytime I came home from school and took it out until it gotten used to me.
Because the cage that we put the mice in was a "three-storey" kinda cage, so there were a lot of space for them. But they rarely stayed at the higher levels because I guess it's too exposed. My mom allowed the cage to be put inside the house that time because she thought that the baby was too young to withstand the environment outside. So, as soon as I came home everytime from school, and just when I stood in front of the front door and could get a perfect view of the cage, I would call "JuneJoe" and everytime the mouse responded. It would ran up to the highest level in the cage and was like franctic to see me. Lol!!! Oh, how I miss it!! And everytime I would just simply called out its name even though I could not even see the cage, I could hear the mouse like climbing super clumsily and quickly to the top. Sigh........
And what was the fate of the poor poor JuneJoe? Well, my brother brought another pair of male baby mice which were a bit bigger than JuneJoe. So, we put the already quite grown up JuneJoe with the other two baby males in another "two-storey"cage and the cage was put outside. Can you imagine how heartbroken JuneJoe was? And because the cage was at the back of the house, I visited JuneJoe less often. It got bullied by the other bigger males. But even so, everytime as soon as I stepped outside to the back of the house, JuneJoe would greet me like always, by climbing to the highest level. It was really a heartwarming thingy. Seriously.. I wouldn't have gotten through the struggles in school without these pet that I had last time.
So, what happened to JuneJoe? Well, I made my brother to promise me that he wouldn't use him for dissection. On dissection day, he was in a rush and just simply took two mice from the cage. And when he was drowning them, he said one of them was super obedient and didn't struggle at all but just simply stood there while being drowned. I know it sounded weird and stupid as well. In the end, we realised that it was JuneJoe because the one left behind didn't respond to me and the reason for the mouse that was being drowned to be so calm was because I think that it was thinking that my brother was playing with it. Damn it!! Sigh....
So, a tribute to the white mice, sacrifised for the greater good of students... Lol!!!
My brother bought a pair of white mice to breed enough number for his experiment. The female mouse had only one hand. Super cute and a bit intriguing as I looked at how it worked its way through everyday stuffs like eating with just one hand and doing a lot of stuffs with one hand. Then, the day finally came when she actually gave birth but then like all first timers, my brother didn't know how to handle them. In the end, only one survived.
The one which survived became "the apple of my eye". I know, the phrase seems a bit crazy and out of place. But it did bring me a lot of joy and happiness. We named it "JuneJoe" which was actually the combination of my brother's teachers because he didn't like them. Well, anyway, because it was really a cute handsome fella (hahahaha.. it's a male), I always wanted to touch it when it grew enough to prevent itself from being eaten by his mom if she sensed my scent.
The first time I carried it out from the cage, with the mother looking away, it was chaos. As soon as I grabbed him out of the cage, he ran up my arm and was like super crazy. After that, I could see that it was scared so I put it back. Ever since then, I kept on calling it Junejoe everytime I came home from school and took it out until it gotten used to me.
Because the cage that we put the mice in was a "three-storey" kinda cage, so there were a lot of space for them. But they rarely stayed at the higher levels because I guess it's too exposed. My mom allowed the cage to be put inside the house that time because she thought that the baby was too young to withstand the environment outside. So, as soon as I came home everytime from school, and just when I stood in front of the front door and could get a perfect view of the cage, I would call "JuneJoe" and everytime the mouse responded. It would ran up to the highest level in the cage and was like franctic to see me. Lol!!! Oh, how I miss it!! And everytime I would just simply called out its name even though I could not even see the cage, I could hear the mouse like climbing super clumsily and quickly to the top. Sigh........
And what was the fate of the poor poor JuneJoe? Well, my brother brought another pair of male baby mice which were a bit bigger than JuneJoe. So, we put the already quite grown up JuneJoe with the other two baby males in another "two-storey"cage and the cage was put outside. Can you imagine how heartbroken JuneJoe was? And because the cage was at the back of the house, I visited JuneJoe less often. It got bullied by the other bigger males. But even so, everytime as soon as I stepped outside to the back of the house, JuneJoe would greet me like always, by climbing to the highest level. It was really a heartwarming thingy. Seriously.. I wouldn't have gotten through the struggles in school without these pet that I had last time.
So, what happened to JuneJoe? Well, I made my brother to promise me that he wouldn't use him for dissection. On dissection day, he was in a rush and just simply took two mice from the cage. And when he was drowning them, he said one of them was super obedient and didn't struggle at all but just simply stood there while being drowned. I know it sounded weird and stupid as well. In the end, we realised that it was JuneJoe because the one left behind didn't respond to me and the reason for the mouse that was being drowned to be so calm was because I think that it was thinking that my brother was playing with it. Damn it!! Sigh....
So, a tribute to the white mice, sacrifised for the greater good of students... Lol!!!
Nostalgia
Last night, after listening to the same set of songs over and over again, I finally decided to change my playlist. When the song of "心跳" by LeeHom came up, I was caught by surprise as I was sort of "depoted" back to the time when I was studying for my first dissection test because that time, I was listening to his songs while studying. And even more, as the song kept on playing, it brought back some memories as well. After this song, it was another song by him as well, and again memories just came on streaming into my mind. Cool huh?
Then, just now I decided to change my playlist again to David Archuleta's songs. As soon as the first song came on, again, memories came into my mind. Except this time, it brought back the memories of the time when I was studying for my final exams last year. Lol!!!! It's super funny though. I even "ter"remembered the time when I was going to church and listening to the same song. Gosh!!
Just realised songs can actually bring feelings of nostalgia as well.
Then, just now I decided to change my playlist again to David Archuleta's songs. As soon as the first song came on, again, memories came into my mind. Except this time, it brought back the memories of the time when I was studying for my final exams last year. Lol!!!! It's super funny though. I even "ter"remembered the time when I was going to church and listening to the same song. Gosh!!
Just realised songs can actually bring feelings of nostalgia as well.
Wonderful but sad
Today as I read through my Genetics book, I read about the characteristics of Down Syndrome kids. They were described as happy and AFFECTIONATE. I guess, it's really true. I've met a few Down Syndrome kids before and they were exactly as what the book described.
Sometimes, they can be the most heartwarming people in the world. To me, they can be the most beautiful people in the world. When they care for someone, they truly care for them without any worries of the world. When they smile, it can be the most wonderful smile you've ever seen because it is so sincere that it can't be helped but to warm your heart.
A bit sad though because some of them are being despised by people all around. With prejudice and inequality, they suffer from oppresion and neglection. They are always categorised into another group which is below us "normal" human. Sometimes, they can be more human than we, the so-called "humans".
And sadly, some of them will die earlier because of congenital heart defects, or even if they survive till adulthood, they will have very high risk of getting Alzheimer disease because of one of the proteins coded by the genes in Chromosome 21. So, usually their lifespan can only be up till 50-60.
I guess, from this, we can see that God loves everyone just the way they are. How should I say it? I just have this feeling that God loves them extra, maybe because they are really beautiful people. Really innocent and beautiful.
Sometimes, they can be the most heartwarming people in the world. To me, they can be the most beautiful people in the world. When they care for someone, they truly care for them without any worries of the world. When they smile, it can be the most wonderful smile you've ever seen because it is so sincere that it can't be helped but to warm your heart.
A bit sad though because some of them are being despised by people all around. With prejudice and inequality, they suffer from oppresion and neglection. They are always categorised into another group which is below us "normal" human. Sometimes, they can be more human than we, the so-called "humans".
And sadly, some of them will die earlier because of congenital heart defects, or even if they survive till adulthood, they will have very high risk of getting Alzheimer disease because of one of the proteins coded by the genes in Chromosome 21. So, usually their lifespan can only be up till 50-60.
I guess, from this, we can see that God loves everyone just the way they are. How should I say it? I just have this feeling that God loves them extra, maybe because they are really beautiful people. Really innocent and beautiful.
Money...money...duit..tun..钱...Lol!!! Jpa oh Jpa~~
Money. It's the most important in life now that I realise. Hahaha...I really wonder when JPA's going to enter the money into my already empty account. Sigh....Spent too much but it's not my fault also. The sales were the one at fault. They kept on calling out to me, saying "buy this jacket my dear, I know you like it very much..it's very cheap even though it's also 500CZK"... or ..."Buy this coat my dear, it's only 30 pounds...it's MNG...you won't regret it..." ... or ..." oh oh, you'll love this perfume..don't worry about the price...it's just 20pounds...it's THE sale..."..With all these little temptations, it's hard not to give in.
Money. Most essential thing. You need it to pay for rent. You need it for your food. You need it for your transport pass. You need it to ENJOY yourself. Sigh.........Money money money.. It's all about money. Only thing that doesn't involve money is going for exam...which is of course worse than worrying about money.. Sigh..........
You even need money to revise your studies. Why? You need to buy food, which is the energy source for your brain to function properly. You need to buy cups of coffee and teas. You need to buy food for supper when you study through the night.
I wonder JPA knows how urgent I need money? I hope they won't be late this month. I SERIOUSLY NEED the money. New clothes are calling out to me already even as I speak...By the way, I'm NOT a shopaholic!! It's just nature's call.
Money. Most essential thing. You need it to pay for rent. You need it for your food. You need it for your transport pass. You need it to ENJOY yourself. Sigh.........Money money money.. It's all about money. Only thing that doesn't involve money is going for exam...which is of course worse than worrying about money.. Sigh..........
You even need money to revise your studies. Why? You need to buy food, which is the energy source for your brain to function properly. You need to buy cups of coffee and teas. You need to buy food for supper when you study through the night.
I wonder JPA knows how urgent I need money? I hope they won't be late this month. I SERIOUSLY NEED the money. New clothes are calling out to me already even as I speak...By the way, I'm NOT a shopaholic!! It's just nature's call.
Childhood memory
After I cooked my supper which was maggi at 2.00am, I realised that I put too much water which made it all looked a little not too appealing.
However, it did remind me of my primary school last time. In my primary school, SJK (C) Chung Hua No.3, our canteen served instant noodles as well during recess time. The thing about this instant noodle is it's actually Cintan and at that time it only cost about RM1.50, which was of course reasonable for us small kids to buy. That's not the point. The point is, it's not really the whole Cintan in one bowl. They kinda split the powder into 4 portions and each portion for each bowl. Then, for the noodles, they used Lee Fah Mee, which I'm not sure whether it's available elsewhere but in Sarawak. It's not a very nice noodle because it's not "slurpy" like Maggi but of course it's way healthier.
Here's the thing. The one bowl of instant noodle that time was kinda tasteless except for the tiny bit of spiciness. Lol!! Well, I had learnt to appreciate it before I graduated from my primary school. After all, I studied for six years there. What you expect? :-)
And my maggi now looks exactly like then but at least it has better taste. Lol!!! Punishment for eating supper so late I guess.
However, it did remind me of my primary school last time. In my primary school, SJK (C) Chung Hua No.3, our canteen served instant noodles as well during recess time. The thing about this instant noodle is it's actually Cintan and at that time it only cost about RM1.50, which was of course reasonable for us small kids to buy. That's not the point. The point is, it's not really the whole Cintan in one bowl. They kinda split the powder into 4 portions and each portion for each bowl. Then, for the noodles, they used Lee Fah Mee, which I'm not sure whether it's available elsewhere but in Sarawak. It's not a very nice noodle because it's not "slurpy" like Maggi but of course it's way healthier.
Here's the thing. The one bowl of instant noodle that time was kinda tasteless except for the tiny bit of spiciness. Lol!! Well, I had learnt to appreciate it before I graduated from my primary school. After all, I studied for six years there. What you expect? :-)
And my maggi now looks exactly like then but at least it has better taste. Lol!!! Punishment for eating supper so late I guess.
Days of the week..
Sunday = Church day = Meeting people day = fun day!!!!!!
Monday = School day = Tension day = Test day = Czech Test day!! Shit!
Tuesday = Physio day = Short morning day but long afternoon day = Physio Practical day = Extremely long day
Wednesday = another boring day = Genetics day = Genetics credit retake day = Shit day!
Thursday = Free day!! = Study Genetics day....Unfortunately
Friday = Physio day = might be able to see someone day = bible study day = again might be able to see someone day = Fun day!!!
Saturday = Genetics..........Genetics again............Genetics again................Genetics...........................
GENETICS again!!!!! Pathetic!
Sunday = church day = meeting new friend day cause friend's bringing girlfriend = tension day = day before my stupid final exam = possibly day before my flight back home???
Huraian:
Today has been a fun day of course because it's church day. Met my friend who commented about me having tests every week. Told him about my upcoming exam and he laughed..Erm... Sweat!! The point of me telling him of course was not because just to tell, I wanted to tell him about me going back to Malaysia. Super funny la..
Before meeting him, saw a few churchmates whom I never talked to before but of course seen a few times, greeted me even though I was just sitting there. Super nice people!! A guy whom I know came the week before came again. Wanted to talk to him but don't have the courage. Because of that, I felt so guilty because the words of the sermon the priest gave previously kept on ringing in my head, "Some people are new to the church and they are very shy and people should try to take the initiative to talk to them." I was like, shit, I can't do it. In the end, I just continued with what I was doing and tried to forget about him. Sigh...
Tomorrow's the day for my stupid Czech credit test. I really hope I can pass, even though I don't plan to study till tomorrow and even though there is a lot to study. Sigh...
Monday = School day = Tension day = Test day = Czech Test day!! Shit!
Tuesday = Physio day = Short morning day but long afternoon day = Physio Practical day = Extremely long day
Wednesday = another boring day = Genetics day = Genetics credit retake day = Shit day!
Thursday = Free day!! = Study Genetics day....Unfortunately
Friday = Physio day = might be able to see someone day = bible study day = again might be able to see someone day = Fun day!!!
Saturday = Genetics..........Genetics again............Genetics again................Genetics...........................
GENETICS again!!!!! Pathetic!
Sunday = church day = meeting new friend day cause friend's bringing girlfriend = tension day = day before my stupid final exam = possibly day before my flight back home???
Huraian:
Today has been a fun day of course because it's church day. Met my friend who commented about me having tests every week. Told him about my upcoming exam and he laughed..Erm... Sweat!! The point of me telling him of course was not because just to tell, I wanted to tell him about me going back to Malaysia. Super funny la..
Before meeting him, saw a few churchmates whom I never talked to before but of course seen a few times, greeted me even though I was just sitting there. Super nice people!! A guy whom I know came the week before came again. Wanted to talk to him but don't have the courage. Because of that, I felt so guilty because the words of the sermon the priest gave previously kept on ringing in my head, "Some people are new to the church and they are very shy and people should try to take the initiative to talk to them." I was like, shit, I can't do it. In the end, I just continued with what I was doing and tried to forget about him. Sigh...
Tomorrow's the day for my stupid Czech credit test. I really hope I can pass, even though I don't plan to study till tomorrow and even though there is a lot to study. Sigh...
Trust in God
Apparently, after my sudden outburst the other day on my blogs, a few friends were a bit alarmed and corcerned about my situation. Hahaha..for this, I'm truly thankful and appreciate their concern. It made me realised that I have very good friends indeed.
My friend saw my blog and sent me a message, encouraging me in the morning the next day. I was of course surprised. However, she reminded me about one thing, which I forgot totally when I was too caught up with my studies, that is God is there. Yup, God is there. In her message, she shared with me how she just put her trust in the Lord and encourage me to do so. One thing, when I read the word "God", a revelation just dawned on me. I totally forgot about His presence and His mighty and wondrous deeds. It felt like God sent an angel to remind me that HE IS THERE, anytime, anywhere, through every step of the way. Thank God for showing me light when I was in despair. Last year, during my first year, when I was too stressed out, I would sought comfort by reading the bible. Somehow, the other day, when I was too stressed out, I was kinda blinded by the amount of things that I need to study that I didn't even realised that the bible was just right beside me. For some people, they might not believe but the truth is, God really does speak to us, through a lot of ways, among them being through the bible, friends and of course, His own voice.
In the afternoon, I received another message from my another friend, encouraging me as well. It was then I realised people do read about my blog. Hahahahaha....The point here, however, is that I was really happy and comforted. These little actions really make a difference. I just hope that I can bring comfort to those who need comfort in the future.
For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from Him comes my salvation.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall never be shaken.
Ps 62.1-2
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.
Ps 62.8
Once God has spoken;
twice have I hear this:
that power belongs to God,
and steadfast love belongs to you,
O Lord.
For you repay to all
according to their work.
Ps 62.11-12
A little prayer:
God, I am weak. Help me every day to put my trust in you.
Help me to believe that you and I can do anything together.
My friend saw my blog and sent me a message, encouraging me in the morning the next day. I was of course surprised. However, she reminded me about one thing, which I forgot totally when I was too caught up with my studies, that is God is there. Yup, God is there. In her message, she shared with me how she just put her trust in the Lord and encourage me to do so. One thing, when I read the word "God", a revelation just dawned on me. I totally forgot about His presence and His mighty and wondrous deeds. It felt like God sent an angel to remind me that HE IS THERE, anytime, anywhere, through every step of the way. Thank God for showing me light when I was in despair. Last year, during my first year, when I was too stressed out, I would sought comfort by reading the bible. Somehow, the other day, when I was too stressed out, I was kinda blinded by the amount of things that I need to study that I didn't even realised that the bible was just right beside me. For some people, they might not believe but the truth is, God really does speak to us, through a lot of ways, among them being through the bible, friends and of course, His own voice.
In the afternoon, I received another message from my another friend, encouraging me as well. It was then I realised people do read about my blog. Hahahahaha....The point here, however, is that I was really happy and comforted. These little actions really make a difference. I just hope that I can bring comfort to those who need comfort in the future.
For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from Him comes my salvation.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall never be shaken.
Ps 62.1-2
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.
Ps 62.8
Once God has spoken;
twice have I hear this:
that power belongs to God,
and steadfast love belongs to you,
O Lord.
For you repay to all
according to their work.
Ps 62.11-12
A little prayer:
God, I am weak. Help me every day to put my trust in you.
Help me to believe that you and I can do anything together.
Missing KTT exam times?
I really miss KTT time now. I mean, I miss my friends who were taking the speedy A-level with me. I miss them very much. How I wish they are in the same university as me.
During exam periods, if I didn't go back to Sarawak, I would go and stay with my Poland-bound friends. They were just a bunch of super cool friends. Studying with them was fun. Weird to say, but I really had a lot of fun during exam periods that time. Even though we would be studying, we had a lot of other activities as well which made it all seem not that stressful. These people are just different. I guess the fact that they didn't exude the feeling of stress is a major factor that I like them as well. I mean, they could actually crack up a joke or just be laid back when supposedly we should be super stressed!! Lol!!
I miss my ex-housemates very much as well. Not to say that I miss the pranks they played on me. They were laid back people as well. I guess, the comfort I got back then when we supported each other when we were down is the reason I miss them as well. How we would talk about God and share our experiences when we were at the height of our stress level.
I really miss them now. Kiu Fen, Felicia, Yoke Foong, Siew Meng, Shu Yet, Variant and Shusyi. I'm actually quite a bad person cause I only miss them when I am stressed. Hahaha...
I want to talk to Yeng Tong like I usually did whenever I feel stressed but then I don't want to bother her now because if compared to me, I guess her stress level should be worse than mine. I miss talking to her also.
Somemore it doesn't help when you have a friend who's just totally being an asshole. I really couldn't care about my language already. I mean, how many times he has to hurt me before he get the idea that I'm a human as well and not some doll with no feelings. I really feel like just ending our friendship a few times but when he's good to me, I pula lembut hati and forgave him. I mean, he never learnt his lesson even though I actually didn't talk to him for half a year last year. Why he can treat other people like sister and notice their feelings when they are down but never realise how hurt I am? How come he could see me as transparent and practically ignored me when some other people came even though we were talking quite a lot? People always say we have heart-to-heart kinda thing between us. Hmph.. I care about him but does he ever care about me? I really hope there won't be a day when I actually will really end our friendship.
During exam periods, if I didn't go back to Sarawak, I would go and stay with my Poland-bound friends. They were just a bunch of super cool friends. Studying with them was fun. Weird to say, but I really had a lot of fun during exam periods that time. Even though we would be studying, we had a lot of other activities as well which made it all seem not that stressful. These people are just different. I guess the fact that they didn't exude the feeling of stress is a major factor that I like them as well. I mean, they could actually crack up a joke or just be laid back when supposedly we should be super stressed!! Lol!!
I miss my ex-housemates very much as well. Not to say that I miss the pranks they played on me. They were laid back people as well. I guess, the comfort I got back then when we supported each other when we were down is the reason I miss them as well. How we would talk about God and share our experiences when we were at the height of our stress level.
I really miss them now. Kiu Fen, Felicia, Yoke Foong, Siew Meng, Shu Yet, Variant and Shusyi. I'm actually quite a bad person cause I only miss them when I am stressed. Hahaha...
I want to talk to Yeng Tong like I usually did whenever I feel stressed but then I don't want to bother her now because if compared to me, I guess her stress level should be worse than mine. I miss talking to her also.
Somemore it doesn't help when you have a friend who's just totally being an asshole. I really couldn't care about my language already. I mean, how many times he has to hurt me before he get the idea that I'm a human as well and not some doll with no feelings. I really feel like just ending our friendship a few times but when he's good to me, I pula lembut hati and forgave him. I mean, he never learnt his lesson even though I actually didn't talk to him for half a year last year. Why he can treat other people like sister and notice their feelings when they are down but never realise how hurt I am? How come he could see me as transparent and practically ignored me when some other people came even though we were talking quite a lot? People always say we have heart-to-heart kinda thing between us. Hmph.. I care about him but does he ever care about me? I really hope there won't be a day when I actually will really end our friendship.
Under extreme stress!!!!!
This morning, I was really happy after seeing that the price of the airticket back home has decreased. In the afternoon, I realised I might not be able to go home because I can't seem to finish my study because the exam is just 10 days away. Was so stressed out and still am that I can't study and have to succumb to blogging. Pathetic.. I guess.
I really want to go back. Somehow I really want to see my family again. I really miss my family. If only, the airticket is not like RM3000, then I would have gone back more often. I felt like giving up the idea of going back. Then, I remembered my grandfather who's like 90++ dy and my grandmother who was like looking forward to me going back. I mean, how many CNYs can I spend with my grandfather? Or, can I celebrate my CNY with them after I graduate? Sad to say, it's a bit demanding. I don't mean to curse my grandfather but to have someone live pass 100 seems impossible nowadays. Even though he can barely recognise me now, or the fact that we weren't that close but he's my grandpa. I grew up seeing him. To say that I don't have any "亲情" seems impossible also. My grandma? She was like so happy when I told her that I might be able to go back for CNY. I can still remember how she grabbed my hand when I visited her the night before I left. She was like, "Ah Bee (my pet name at home), you will come home right? Then, it won't be that long la." Gosh, how my heart ached!!
All my family i.e my brothers and mom are looking forward to me going home. Everyone's like so worried that I might not be able go back. I really miss them. I want to go home!!
The thought of my family is really weighing in on me.
Other than that, the fact that my food supplies are finishing is also giving me stress. Lol!! I want to go back Malaysia to stock up my food. Sigh....
Tried watching movies or comedies but it was impossible to even cheer up because I feel guilty as I watch the movies. And apparently I couldn't find any super nice comedy as well. I have a lot of romance movies but I am definitely not in a mood for that kind of movies.
Gosh!! I need to "de-stress"!!!!!
I really want to go back. Somehow I really want to see my family again. I really miss my family. If only, the airticket is not like RM3000, then I would have gone back more often. I felt like giving up the idea of going back. Then, I remembered my grandfather who's like 90++ dy and my grandmother who was like looking forward to me going back. I mean, how many CNYs can I spend with my grandfather? Or, can I celebrate my CNY with them after I graduate? Sad to say, it's a bit demanding. I don't mean to curse my grandfather but to have someone live pass 100 seems impossible nowadays. Even though he can barely recognise me now, or the fact that we weren't that close but he's my grandpa. I grew up seeing him. To say that I don't have any "亲情" seems impossible also. My grandma? She was like so happy when I told her that I might be able to go back for CNY. I can still remember how she grabbed my hand when I visited her the night before I left. She was like, "Ah Bee (my pet name at home), you will come home right? Then, it won't be that long la." Gosh, how my heart ached!!
All my family i.e my brothers and mom are looking forward to me going home. Everyone's like so worried that I might not be able go back. I really miss them. I want to go home!!
The thought of my family is really weighing in on me.
Other than that, the fact that my food supplies are finishing is also giving me stress. Lol!! I want to go back Malaysia to stock up my food. Sigh....
Tried watching movies or comedies but it was impossible to even cheer up because I feel guilty as I watch the movies. And apparently I couldn't find any super nice comedy as well. I have a lot of romance movies but I am definitely not in a mood for that kind of movies.
Gosh!! I need to "de-stress"!!!!!
12/1/2010
10.00 am - Started reading genetics.
10.30 am - Went to sleep because watched the whole night of series the night before.
11.30am - Prepared to go to class
5.45pm - Came back from class and browsed through the internet.
8.00pm - Went through genetics again.
8.30pm - went to sleep because of my daily "afternoon" nap
9.30pm - Started going through my genetics again.
9.50pm - Too stressed so started watching korean series "All about Eve"
So all in all, how long did I spend on my genetics? Quite long right?
13/1/2010
1.30 am - Another attempt to read my genetics. For 2 hours, alternating every 5 minutes with my "All about Eve" series.
3.00am - Went to sleep
9.30 am - Cooked breakfast + Browse through internet + Lepak
10.30am - Real attempt to start reading Genetics
11.30am - Alternate with watching my series
12.30 pm - Realised not enough time to finish studying before test.
1.00pm - Realised one of the presentations could not be downloaded, which is of course a very important topic.
1.30 pm - Went for my test.
4.00 pm - Results of test were announced. I FAILED.
I guess, it's really "padan muka". I mean, now that I think of it and counted, I actually barely studied for 5 hours. Lol!! And this is also partly because I was too overconfident. I was too confident that Genetics wouldn't be tough so I didn't care much about it.
When I was doing my test, I knew I was going to fail because I really didn't know how to answer as one of the "big" questions was about the topic which the presentation I could not download. And then there's this another question which involved another topic which I overlooked because I thought it's too easy. Stupid me!! Too snobbish that's why I failed.
Honestly, when the teacher announced my name that I need to retake the test next week, I was so ashamed as I was the only one of the few who failed. I mean, the test, I must say was super easy IF got study properly, as in at least a day not less than 5 hours. So ashamed of myself. Of course, I learnt my lesson of being overconfident will actually kill oneself. Lol!!!
As I pondered on my situation along the way to the bank, I realised I had been neglecting the values which Jesus taught us, that is to be humble. In my process of studying, I realised I slowly forget my values and straying further and further from God.
I really pray that I will not do the same mistake again.
10.00 am - Started reading genetics.
10.30 am - Went to sleep because watched the whole night of series the night before.
11.30am - Prepared to go to class
5.45pm - Came back from class and browsed through the internet.
8.00pm - Went through genetics again.
8.30pm - went to sleep because of my daily "afternoon" nap
9.30pm - Started going through my genetics again.
9.50pm - Too stressed so started watching korean series "All about Eve"
So all in all, how long did I spend on my genetics? Quite long right?
13/1/2010
1.30 am - Another attempt to read my genetics. For 2 hours, alternating every 5 minutes with my "All about Eve" series.
3.00am - Went to sleep
9.30 am - Cooked breakfast + Browse through internet + Lepak
10.30am - Real attempt to start reading Genetics
11.30am - Alternate with watching my series
12.30 pm - Realised not enough time to finish studying before test.
1.00pm - Realised one of the presentations could not be downloaded, which is of course a very important topic.
1.30 pm - Went for my test.
4.00 pm - Results of test were announced. I FAILED.
I guess, it's really "padan muka". I mean, now that I think of it and counted, I actually barely studied for 5 hours. Lol!! And this is also partly because I was too overconfident. I was too confident that Genetics wouldn't be tough so I didn't care much about it.
When I was doing my test, I knew I was going to fail because I really didn't know how to answer as one of the "big" questions was about the topic which the presentation I could not download. And then there's this another question which involved another topic which I overlooked because I thought it's too easy. Stupid me!! Too snobbish that's why I failed.
Honestly, when the teacher announced my name that I need to retake the test next week, I was so ashamed as I was the only one of the few who failed. I mean, the test, I must say was super easy IF got study properly, as in at least a day not less than 5 hours. So ashamed of myself. Of course, I learnt my lesson of being overconfident will actually kill oneself. Lol!!!
As I pondered on my situation along the way to the bank, I realised I had been neglecting the values which Jesus taught us, that is to be humble. In my process of studying, I realised I slowly forget my values and straying further and further from God.
I really pray that I will not do the same mistake again.
A Prayer to be shared
I came upon this prayer when I was going through my bible and somehow I have this feeling to share with everyone, if anyone, who reads my blog.
Jesus, send us your Spirit, and renew the face of the earth. You know our strenghts and weaknesses. Transform us into messengers of your Gospel for those who yearn for you.
Jesus, send us your Spirit, and renew the face of the earth. You know our history, with it's beautiful and painful experiences. Help us to be untiring promoters of a society based on love, justice and peace.
Jesus, send us your Spirit, and renew the face of the earth. You know our longing for love and community. Make us instruments of unity and service, especially for those who are weak and those who are lonely. Amen.
A friend's faith and awkwardness..Lol!
Today, I finally met Michael, my friend in church as well as university but he's a year senior than me.
As soon as I saw him, I stuck out my hand to shake hands with him because it's been really really long since I saw him. Actually, I wanted to hug him but he's not the usual guy you can hug and not feel awkward. I mean, last time, when his brother hugged me, he was already awkward, what more to say if I actually did hug him just now.
I asked how he's doing and all.. the usual greetings but then he was saying other things. As soon as he shook my hands, he was a bit excited and asked me whether I took the chalk and holy water the church was distributing and I said no. He was like shocked that kinda thing. He asked me why not and stuffs like that. He went on explaining that the chalks were blessed in Vatican City and stuffs like that. I explained that I couldn't draw on the lintel of my apartment because I'm sharing with other people. He said I could've taken and send back home because that's what he's going to do. I was like :-o
Obviously, usually the first thing you see people, you exchange greetings rather than being bubbly about some other things...Lol!! I mean, he's really very cute in that sense. I really do admire his faith though. And then after the frenzy explaination about the chalk, he realised he hasn't asked how I was doing. I almost laughed out when he asked me.
After that, we talked about school and all. A bit awkward because people were like coming between us while we were having our conversation. Imagine the distance between me and him. Funny la..
I told him about my upcoming Genetics credit test and he was soothing me that it's not that hard and stuffs like that. He was saying like "the guy up there" will help me. Lol!! I liked it when he said that. It makes me feel like we really have very intimate relationship with God. Which is so true, it's just that I didn't realise.
When I was leaving, he was opening the door for me and all. It was super awkward because I didn't know how to end the conversation. Super funny now that I think of it.. Sigh... He's a very special guy.. Lol!
As soon as I saw him, I stuck out my hand to shake hands with him because it's been really really long since I saw him. Actually, I wanted to hug him but he's not the usual guy you can hug and not feel awkward. I mean, last time, when his brother hugged me, he was already awkward, what more to say if I actually did hug him just now.
I asked how he's doing and all.. the usual greetings but then he was saying other things. As soon as he shook my hands, he was a bit excited and asked me whether I took the chalk and holy water the church was distributing and I said no. He was like shocked that kinda thing. He asked me why not and stuffs like that. He went on explaining that the chalks were blessed in Vatican City and stuffs like that. I explained that I couldn't draw on the lintel of my apartment because I'm sharing with other people. He said I could've taken and send back home because that's what he's going to do. I was like :-o
Obviously, usually the first thing you see people, you exchange greetings rather than being bubbly about some other things...Lol!! I mean, he's really very cute in that sense. I really do admire his faith though. And then after the frenzy explaination about the chalk, he realised he hasn't asked how I was doing. I almost laughed out when he asked me.
After that, we talked about school and all. A bit awkward because people were like coming between us while we were having our conversation. Imagine the distance between me and him. Funny la..
I told him about my upcoming Genetics credit test and he was soothing me that it's not that hard and stuffs like that. He was saying like "the guy up there" will help me. Lol!! I liked it when he said that. It makes me feel like we really have very intimate relationship with God. Which is so true, it's just that I didn't realise.
When I was leaving, he was opening the door for me and all. It was super awkward because I didn't know how to end the conversation. Super funny now that I think of it.. Sigh... He's a very special guy.. Lol!
Never ending tests?
Lol!! I was shocked when my friend from church, Dave, was commenting about my "never-ending tests".
D: So are you going to go for coffee after this? (usually my church serves refreshment after every mass)
Me: Nooo..(a bit feeling "sayang" and smiling)
D: I guess you have to go back and study again right? You're having test again this week I guess?
Me: Yaya (nodding, surprised about how he predicted my schedule)
D: (laughing) You know, you're the first person I heard that has so many tests..
I was surprised because it never occured to me as abnormal, probably because I kinda got used to the fact that medicine life is pathetic and supposed to have tests almost every day kinda thing. In fact, if the particular week doesn't have any test, I'll be feeling weird. Lol!!
Well, welcome to my life~~Lol!!
D: So are you going to go for coffee after this? (usually my church serves refreshment after every mass)
Me: Nooo..(a bit feeling "sayang" and smiling)
D: I guess you have to go back and study again right? You're having test again this week I guess?
Me: Yaya (nodding, surprised about how he predicted my schedule)
D: (laughing) You know, you're the first person I heard that has so many tests..
I was surprised because it never occured to me as abnormal, probably because I kinda got used to the fact that medicine life is pathetic and supposed to have tests almost every day kinda thing. In fact, if the particular week doesn't have any test, I'll be feeling weird. Lol!!
Well, welcome to my life~~Lol!!
Snowing
A: I always hate snow.
Me: But it's prettier with snow...
A: You look at the ground. (Pointing to the dirty ground because of the brown and dirty snow)
Me: Well, you should just look at the top and not the ground..
It was seriously a very weird conversation. For me, I really feel that snow is very pretty. I don't know why, but it gives out a feeling of purity and romance. Hahaha... I always wished for a romantic encounter in the snow but hell no, so far I've only met really weird things during snowing days. Sigh...
But it really does look romantic. Especially now that it's really snowing super heavily, and the park in front of my apartment is practically covered in snow. It's really very pretty and the park which never look pretty to me now looks really beautiful in a way and like a romantic kinda place. Lol!!!
This morning, I was looking out from my window and saw this super tall guy walking his chihuahua.. Surprising isn't it? I mean, usually guys will go for working dogs rather than the toy dogs. But the important thing here is the interaction between the man and the dog. I can see that the guy really loves his dog. He was letting the dog playing with the snow and then walking slowly behind the dog while the dog jumped up and down in front of him.
So, I really feel that winter is sort of a season of love....Lol!!! So "jiwang" ar me....
Me: But it's prettier with snow...
A: You look at the ground. (Pointing to the dirty ground because of the brown and dirty snow)
Me: Well, you should just look at the top and not the ground..
It was seriously a very weird conversation. For me, I really feel that snow is very pretty. I don't know why, but it gives out a feeling of purity and romance. Hahaha... I always wished for a romantic encounter in the snow but hell no, so far I've only met really weird things during snowing days. Sigh...
But it really does look romantic. Especially now that it's really snowing super heavily, and the park in front of my apartment is practically covered in snow. It's really very pretty and the park which never look pretty to me now looks really beautiful in a way and like a romantic kinda place. Lol!!!
This morning, I was looking out from my window and saw this super tall guy walking his chihuahua.. Surprising isn't it? I mean, usually guys will go for working dogs rather than the toy dogs. But the important thing here is the interaction between the man and the dog. I can see that the guy really loves his dog. He was letting the dog playing with the snow and then walking slowly behind the dog while the dog jumped up and down in front of him.
So, I really feel that winter is sort of a season of love....Lol!!! So "jiwang" ar me....
Snow fight!!!!!
Haih...This is one event that I actually "paid" with my keys~~
It was fun of course. At first, we were just out with plans of making a snowman but in the end, we ended up having snow fight.
At the beginning, there were some outsiders that attacked us as well. We were quite helpless when they attacked us because we don't know how to make snow balls. Sweat! And they were quite good snowball aimers cause whatever they threw, they actually hit us. Lol!!
And as always, our Mr See just had to do the stuff-snow-in-your-face thing. At first, I didn't know he will be that aggresive because I didn't attack him at all. I was just "splashing" snow into Adeline's face when suddenly I felt my face being stuffed with snow. And I knew at that instant it's the infamous Yee Yong again.
After that, of course my ego wouldn't let me go down just like that. I tried to attack him a few times. Did ambushing and like did a lot of other stuffs. But because he's damn tall, I couldn't get him. And in the end, I just ended up running and screaming for my life. Lol..
And after a while, I of course did manage to get my revenge but he upgraded his skills by pushing people to the ground and really attacked them with snow. That's like the worst part. Well then, of course, with the cooperation among us "elites", we managed to get him down as well..
It was fun till the part where I realised I lost my keys...Sigh...
And of course, I was wishing for someone to be there with us as well but unfortunately and pathetically no.. Big sigh....
It was fun of course. At first, we were just out with plans of making a snowman but in the end, we ended up having snow fight.
At the beginning, there were some outsiders that attacked us as well. We were quite helpless when they attacked us because we don't know how to make snow balls. Sweat! And they were quite good snowball aimers cause whatever they threw, they actually hit us. Lol!!
And as always, our Mr See just had to do the stuff-snow-in-your-face thing. At first, I didn't know he will be that aggresive because I didn't attack him at all. I was just "splashing" snow into Adeline's face when suddenly I felt my face being stuffed with snow. And I knew at that instant it's the infamous Yee Yong again.
After that, of course my ego wouldn't let me go down just like that. I tried to attack him a few times. Did ambushing and like did a lot of other stuffs. But because he's damn tall, I couldn't get him. And in the end, I just ended up running and screaming for my life. Lol..
And after a while, I of course did manage to get my revenge but he upgraded his skills by pushing people to the ground and really attacked them with snow. That's like the worst part. Well then, of course, with the cooperation among us "elites", we managed to get him down as well..
It was fun till the part where I realised I lost my keys...Sigh...
And of course, I was wishing for someone to be there with us as well but unfortunately and pathetically no.. Big sigh....
Did something stupid again
Sigh....because of my stupid mistake, now I lost my keys to my apartment and all my locks for my luggages. Stupid. Really stupid..
I usually put my keys in my pants' pocket but I don't know why, just now I put it in the shallow pocket of my jacket. Of course, I didn't expect that I would fall down and all. Well then, we were playing with snow and I was pushed to the ground a few times by my friend so I guess that's when my keys fell out of my pocket. Shit!! Now I have to buy new locks and make new keys again. Really shit!!
What a price to pay for a snow fight!!! Sigh...And above all, I lost my "I love Prague" keychain..Lol!! Sweat! But the keys were super important in the sense that replicating keys is a super expensive business here and buying locks are going to make holes in my pocket as well....Why..Why... Oh why am I so careless?? Why bad things always HAVE to happen when I enjoy myself? Sigh...
Today's lesson..Don't put keys in your shallow pockets..Well, it's an obvious thing to do but I'm just stupid enough to do it...
I usually put my keys in my pants' pocket but I don't know why, just now I put it in the shallow pocket of my jacket. Of course, I didn't expect that I would fall down and all. Well then, we were playing with snow and I was pushed to the ground a few times by my friend so I guess that's when my keys fell out of my pocket. Shit!! Now I have to buy new locks and make new keys again. Really shit!!
What a price to pay for a snow fight!!! Sigh...And above all, I lost my "I love Prague" keychain..Lol!! Sweat! But the keys were super important in the sense that replicating keys is a super expensive business here and buying locks are going to make holes in my pocket as well....Why..Why... Oh why am I so careless?? Why bad things always HAVE to happen when I enjoy myself? Sigh...
Today's lesson..Don't put keys in your shallow pockets..Well, it's an obvious thing to do but I'm just stupid enough to do it...
8Eight - Without a heart
I was just randomly going through all the possible Korean artists which might be worth to check out and I came upon this group called 8Eight and their song "Without a Heart". After listening once in Youtube, the song just totally stucked on my mind. It was really very nice song. Very meaningful lyrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkqoeMYt6gk
Here is the lyrics and translation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkqoeMYt6gk
Here is the lyrics and translation:
8Eight - Without a Heart
Romanization
apeudago malhamyon jeongmal apeul got gataseo
seulpeudago malhamyeon nunmuri nal got gataseo
genyang utji genyang utji genyang utji
geurondae saramdeuli wae unyago muleo
rap
maeireul uldaga utdaga uldaga eutneungol banboghae
na wae ireoneundae
suri surinji babinjido moreuneun jae
sara i jeongdo apeumeun tonggwa eiryaein deut hae
meonghani jongiae nado mollae ni ireumman jeogeo haru win jungil
jungiga sikeomaejigoseoya paeneul nwa
no geuriwo cco haendeuponeul dereotda nwa
nunmuri ddo cajawa neowaui ibyeol iran
naneun simjangil eobseo naneun simjangil eobseo
geuraeseo apeun geol neuggilli eobseo
maeil honjatmareulhae naegae jumuneul goreo
geuraedo jaggu nunmuri naneun geol
apeudago malhamyeon jeongmal apeul geot gataseo
seulpeudago malhamyeon nunmuri nal geot gataseo
genyang utji genyang utji genyang utji
geurondae saramdeuli wae unyago muleo ireohgae utneundae
rap
niga ddeonagobuteo nan baboga dwin geot gateo
i can't do amugeotdo jugeora bangguseogae baghyeon sareo
neo eobsin hal ildo eobtneundae harun gileo neomu gileo
geundae mwo geuri babbeo neol wirobgae haesseo
niga syoping gaja geureol ddae cinguwa sul hanjan masineun geon gereohgae
swi undae wae neohantae muthaesseulga
eonjaena jaeil neurin gae huhwiraetneundae
jeongmal babonji ggeutggaji neowaui ggeneul nohji mothae
naneun simjangi eobseo naneun simjangi eobseo
oneuldo bbeonhan geojitmareul hae
gasuemi neom apeundae ireohgae bojaeneundae
eoddeohgae euseul suga itgaesseo
apeundago malhamyeon jeongmal apeul geot gataseo
seulpadago malhamyeon nunmuri nal geot gataseo
geunyang utji geunyang utji geunyang utji
geurondae saramdeuli wae unyaego muleo ireohgae eutneundae
(utja) tv sog yeonaeindeul cheoreom
(utja) noui minihompy jaemogcheoreom
(utja) haengbokhaetdeon nae eojaecheoreom
naneun simjangi eobseo apeulsuga nan eobseo
naneun simjangi eobseo apeulsuga nan eobseo
genyang eutja genyang eutja genyang eutja
jaebal jom nunmura ijaeneun meomchweojweo
credit:naver + leesia
apeudago malhamyon jeongmal apeul got gataseo
seulpeudago malhamyeon nunmuri nal got gataseo
genyang utji genyang utji genyang utji
geurondae saramdeuli wae unyago muleo
rap
maeireul uldaga utdaga uldaga eutneungol banboghae
na wae ireoneundae
suri surinji babinjido moreuneun jae
sara i jeongdo apeumeun tonggwa eiryaein deut hae
meonghani jongiae nado mollae ni ireumman jeogeo haru win jungil
jungiga sikeomaejigoseoya paeneul nwa
no geuriwo cco haendeuponeul dereotda nwa
nunmuri ddo cajawa neowaui ibyeol iran
naneun simjangil eobseo naneun simjangil eobseo
geuraeseo apeun geol neuggilli eobseo
maeil honjatmareulhae naegae jumuneul goreo
geuraedo jaggu nunmuri naneun geol
apeudago malhamyeon jeongmal apeul geot gataseo
seulpeudago malhamyeon nunmuri nal geot gataseo
genyang utji genyang utji genyang utji
geurondae saramdeuli wae unyago muleo ireohgae utneundae
rap
niga ddeonagobuteo nan baboga dwin geot gateo
i can't do amugeotdo jugeora bangguseogae baghyeon sareo
neo eobsin hal ildo eobtneundae harun gileo neomu gileo
geundae mwo geuri babbeo neol wirobgae haesseo
niga syoping gaja geureol ddae cinguwa sul hanjan masineun geon gereohgae
swi undae wae neohantae muthaesseulga
eonjaena jaeil neurin gae huhwiraetneundae
jeongmal babonji ggeutggaji neowaui ggeneul nohji mothae
naneun simjangi eobseo naneun simjangi eobseo
oneuldo bbeonhan geojitmareul hae
gasuemi neom apeundae ireohgae bojaeneundae
eoddeohgae euseul suga itgaesseo
apeundago malhamyeon jeongmal apeul geot gataseo
seulpadago malhamyeon nunmuri nal geot gataseo
geunyang utji geunyang utji geunyang utji
geurondae saramdeuli wae unyaego muleo ireohgae eutneundae
(utja) tv sog yeonaeindeul cheoreom
(utja) noui minihompy jaemogcheoreom
(utja) haengbokhaetdeon nae eojaecheoreom
naneun simjangi eobseo apeulsuga nan eobseo
naneun simjangi eobseo apeulsuga nan eobseo
genyang eutja genyang eutja genyang eutja
jaebal jom nunmura ijaeneun meomchweojweo
credit:naver + leesia
Translation
If I say that I'm in pain, I'm scared that I'll really be in pain
If I say that I'm in pain, I'm scared that I'll really be in pain
If I say that I'm sad, I'm scared that I will shed my tears
Why don't I just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
But people ask me why I'm crying...
Everyday I cry, I smile, cry then smile again
What's wrong with me, why do I do this repeditely?
Can't differentiate between bottles of alcohol and meals
So far in my life, I never felt pain this excruciating
Absentmindedly, I write your name over and over on a piece of paper
In a day, the paper becomes black and I finally let the pen go
I long for you, I hold on to my cellphone and let it gomy eyes are filling up with tears again, this seperation between us..
I'm without a heart, I don't have a heart
So I wouldn't be feeling pain
Everyday I talk to myself, and put myself under a spell
But even so, I keep shedding my tears
If I say that I'm in pain, I'm scared that I'll really be in pain
If I say that I'm sad, I'm scared that I will shed my tears
Why don't I just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
But people ask me why I'm crying,when I'm laughing like this...
After you left, I think I became a fool
I can't do, I can't do anything, so I die.
I shove myself into a corner and live
Without you there's nothing left to do
A day is too long, way too long
But what was I busy with, to make you feel so lonely,
when you wanted to go shopping, going out with my friends was so easy,
but why couldn't I do the same to you?
I always regretted being so slow,
I don't know if I'm really stupid, but I still can't let go of our bond.
I'm without a heart, I don't have a heart
Again today, I can see through your lies
My heart is in so much pain, I'm begging for your help
How can I smile in times like this?
If I say that I'm in pain, I'm scared that I'll really be in pain
If I say that I'm sad, I'm scared that I will shed my tears
Why don't I just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
But people ask me why I'm crying,when I'm laughing like this...(let's smile)
like couples in dramas(let's smile) like the title of your blog(let's smile) happy like in my past
I'm without a heart, I can't be in pain
I'm without a heart, I can't be in pain
Let's just laugh, just laugh, just laugh
Please, please let's stop crying now...
Turning to Him
Two days ago, my friend was asking me to pray for her for her coming exam. Usually, she's not someone who gets stressed quite easily but because she has 3 exams this semester, she's like completely under a lot of pressure. But that's not the important thing.The thing I realised is that most people I know here (mostly Christians) turns to God when exams come. It was really great to see this. I mean, everyone just seems to know that they can't do it without God's help.
I realised that, as everyone's faith just grow when they study medicine. I guess, it's because sometimes when you're really helpless, that's when you can hear God's calling and feel God's presence as you just leave everything into His hands after trying your best kinda thing. And I'm proud of my fellow Christian friends who did what I mentioned. I really am. I hope everyone will continue to grow in their faith.
Sometimes it just feels so nice to be able to share our experiences with God with those who have been through similar things as me.
On Tuesday, I was really sad after my physio test because I did quite badly and I know I'm going to flunk the four tests. When I told my junior Adeline who's staying with me, she told me to pray and trust in the Lord. At that moment, realisation dawned on me. I mean, I was totally lost and was feeling helpless and then I was reminded of His mighty power and presence. Thank God for sending me someone to remind me of His presence. It feels so nice now to be staying with fellow Christians cause we tend to help each other to grow in faith.
During my trip to Switzerland, I was really happy to be able witness a faithful family, Adeline's family. I was really impressed by their faith. For everything, they totally trust in Him. It's really a rare thing to see a practising Christian family. On one of the days when I woke up early in the morning, one of the sisters were already up and she was reading her bible silently. That time, I thought I would never see such face - a happy face just because she's reading God's words. And then, at just any moment of the day, they just gave praise to the Lord for things He has given to them. I'm really glad to have known these people.
I realised that, as everyone's faith just grow when they study medicine. I guess, it's because sometimes when you're really helpless, that's when you can hear God's calling and feel God's presence as you just leave everything into His hands after trying your best kinda thing. And I'm proud of my fellow Christian friends who did what I mentioned. I really am. I hope everyone will continue to grow in their faith.
Sometimes it just feels so nice to be able to share our experiences with God with those who have been through similar things as me.
On Tuesday, I was really sad after my physio test because I did quite badly and I know I'm going to flunk the four tests. When I told my junior Adeline who's staying with me, she told me to pray and trust in the Lord. At that moment, realisation dawned on me. I mean, I was totally lost and was feeling helpless and then I was reminded of His mighty power and presence. Thank God for sending me someone to remind me of His presence. It feels so nice now to be staying with fellow Christians cause we tend to help each other to grow in faith.
During my trip to Switzerland, I was really happy to be able witness a faithful family, Adeline's family. I was really impressed by their faith. For everything, they totally trust in Him. It's really a rare thing to see a practising Christian family. On one of the days when I woke up early in the morning, one of the sisters were already up and she was reading her bible silently. That time, I thought I would never see such face - a happy face just because she's reading God's words. And then, at just any moment of the day, they just gave praise to the Lord for things He has given to them. I'm really glad to have known these people.
Weird weird action
You see, in every mass, there's this part where we shake hands with each other and greet "peace be with you" or you can "peluk" if you know that person well. Well, for the second option I was of course quite not used to it because back in Malaysia, I don't do it.
I "peluk" people whom I'm close to and not that often as well unless in certain occasions e.g friends leaving, meeting a friend after a long time and so on and so forth. Well then, I have this friend in church whom I met quite long ago. At the beginning, every thing was just normal and stuffs. After my summer holiday when I came back and met him again in church, he "peluk" me first during the part in mass I was talking about. The week after that, it was the same even though I stuck out my hand first.
So I kinda got the idea after that. So, ever since then, I would "peluk" him during that part in mass. The thing is, when I do "peluk" him. But then, he pula showing weird expression kinda thing. Sigh... So, every time I did it, I felt very awkward but if I stick my hand out and he "peluk" me pula, I will feel awkward as well. Gosh... but then again, his expression was always a bit hard to interpret.
Can someone give me a clue what should I do? Well, again, since this post and this blog will always remain unknown to most people, I guess I will have to figure it out myself :-)
I "peluk" people whom I'm close to and not that often as well unless in certain occasions e.g friends leaving, meeting a friend after a long time and so on and so forth. Well then, I have this friend in church whom I met quite long ago. At the beginning, every thing was just normal and stuffs. After my summer holiday when I came back and met him again in church, he "peluk" me first during the part in mass I was talking about. The week after that, it was the same even though I stuck out my hand first.
So I kinda got the idea after that. So, ever since then, I would "peluk" him during that part in mass. The thing is, when I do "peluk" him. But then, he pula showing weird expression kinda thing. Sigh... So, every time I did it, I felt very awkward but if I stick my hand out and he "peluk" me pula, I will feel awkward as well. Gosh... but then again, his expression was always a bit hard to interpret.
Can someone give me a clue what should I do? Well, again, since this post and this blog will always remain unknown to most people, I guess I will have to figure it out myself :-)
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