要死啦！我发现我真的是，超级的很不好！！
一，我是一位很爱吃醋的人
二，我是一位完美主意者
三，我超会记仇
四，我很，非常“怕输”
五，我超爱讽刺人
六，我超喜欢跟人比
七，我会希望我不喜欢的人不成功
八，我会玩忘恩负义
九，我是一位很虚伪的人
十，我是一位很傲慢和自恋的人
十一，我喜欢钱
十二，我很唯物主义及现实
十三，我超爱当好人
十四，我超自私
算了，要写出来，不知道写到几时。总而言之，我是一位超级大坏蛋。咳。。。
我要变个好人啊！！！
Showing posts with label Self discovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self discovery. Show all posts
Been there, done that and definitely regret it.
It's not a big thing actually. Just went through my past and discovered all the stupid and useless "crushes" that I had. Seriously too many of them that I couldn't even remember them. Hahahahahaha...Can't blame me for my disloyalty.
Some of them i do remember very well and felt stupid for them.
One of them being one my classmates in high school. I actually had crush on him during Form 2 and through a series of event, he knew about it. And during Form 5, we became damn close that I told him yeah I did like him before. But, seriously, I really regret for even the slightest feelings I had for him now. I mean, I know about all his other sides which I didn't know and he's definitely not who I thought he's supposed to be.
Another one is somewhere quite near in the past but also definitely over. Well, at first, I really liked his character. But now that I looked back, wow, how stupid I was!! First of all, he's definitely not loyal as he proposed himself to be. And somehow, all his courting actions are really super disgusting somehow to me. So, yeah, basically it's all regrets now.
And then there's this another one whom I had crush for almost 10 years. Yeah, I know it's too long to be true. Well, it's partially true cause it's on-and-off kinda thing. He's not someone I regretted liking. He turned out to be a very nice person even till now. Super loves his girlfriend now. The only regret is I didn't become his girlfriend. Hahahahahahaha...So thick-skinned ar me! Lolz!
So, for now, all my crushes are like very lame crushes. Never last more than 2 days. Partly because I know for sure I won't settle down for them. And probably because I have decided that I will only go for those of chinese ascendance. Which makes the whole situation here a big NO NO cause all the people that i know here who are of chinese origin are er................Lolz!!! Let's just put it this way. They're either unavailable or unsuitable.
Some of them i do remember very well and felt stupid for them.
One of them being one my classmates in high school. I actually had crush on him during Form 2 and through a series of event, he knew about it. And during Form 5, we became damn close that I told him yeah I did like him before. But, seriously, I really regret for even the slightest feelings I had for him now. I mean, I know about all his other sides which I didn't know and he's definitely not who I thought he's supposed to be.
Another one is somewhere quite near in the past but also definitely over. Well, at first, I really liked his character. But now that I looked back, wow, how stupid I was!! First of all, he's definitely not loyal as he proposed himself to be. And somehow, all his courting actions are really super disgusting somehow to me. So, yeah, basically it's all regrets now.
And then there's this another one whom I had crush for almost 10 years. Yeah, I know it's too long to be true. Well, it's partially true cause it's on-and-off kinda thing. He's not someone I regretted liking. He turned out to be a very nice person even till now. Super loves his girlfriend now. The only regret is I didn't become his girlfriend. Hahahahahahaha...So thick-skinned ar me! Lolz!
So, for now, all my crushes are like very lame crushes. Never last more than 2 days. Partly because I know for sure I won't settle down for them. And probably because I have decided that I will only go for those of chinese ascendance. Which makes the whole situation here a big NO NO cause all the people that i know here who are of chinese origin are er................Lolz!!! Let's just put it this way. They're either unavailable or unsuitable.
Own place in the world
Definitely should be studying but being bugged by so many things.
Was looking through the facebook updates and noticed that my high school friends have gone to Damai Beach Resort and they were all saying how nice it was and all. As I think about it, eventually I got depressed by how lonely I am.
Then I kept on thinking and thinking. Yup, definitely many stupid thoughts came and so were some regretful memories.
Thought that I couldn't fit in with this group of friends because we don't have same interests and thought that somehow will find friends that I can communicate. Ah well, I did find but unfortunately, I got depressed thinking again. Cause these friends that I've found will eventually separate from me as we all came from different states. Depressed that eventually I will have to go back to the place where I couldn't find my own place.
Back to my previous saying - will find friends that I can communicate. Well then, I seriously doubt that now. Maybe when I start working? Or even when I start working, my routine will be just going to work and go home, then go work and go home and just that? Oh, how depressing thoughts!!!
Then, I realise, I guess everyone has their own place in the world. Will I ever find my own place in people's hearts in Kuching? Or my place is in somewhere else? Where else? Definitely depressing thoughts. Not really depressing but pathetic. Hahahaha...
Of course, I know that I am the one to blame for the very few friends that I have. Partly because of my own attitude and all. Definitely "killed" some friendships I had because of my insensitiveness and me being plain me. When I tried making up, guess it's definitely too late.
Is it that you have to let go of being yourself in order to find your place in this world? Can the world be so cruel? Or, it's just that some people just have the luck of having lots and lots of friends where as some just stuck in leading solitary life? Unfair huh? Well, I seriously don't know.
Was looking through the facebook updates and noticed that my high school friends have gone to Damai Beach Resort and they were all saying how nice it was and all. As I think about it, eventually I got depressed by how lonely I am.
Then I kept on thinking and thinking. Yup, definitely many stupid thoughts came and so were some regretful memories.
Thought that I couldn't fit in with this group of friends because we don't have same interests and thought that somehow will find friends that I can communicate. Ah well, I did find but unfortunately, I got depressed thinking again. Cause these friends that I've found will eventually separate from me as we all came from different states. Depressed that eventually I will have to go back to the place where I couldn't find my own place.
Back to my previous saying - will find friends that I can communicate. Well then, I seriously doubt that now. Maybe when I start working? Or even when I start working, my routine will be just going to work and go home, then go work and go home and just that? Oh, how depressing thoughts!!!
Then, I realise, I guess everyone has their own place in the world. Will I ever find my own place in people's hearts in Kuching? Or my place is in somewhere else? Where else? Definitely depressing thoughts. Not really depressing but pathetic. Hahahaha...
Of course, I know that I am the one to blame for the very few friends that I have. Partly because of my own attitude and all. Definitely "killed" some friendships I had because of my insensitiveness and me being plain me. When I tried making up, guess it's definitely too late.
Is it that you have to let go of being yourself in order to find your place in this world? Can the world be so cruel? Or, it's just that some people just have the luck of having lots and lots of friends where as some just stuck in leading solitary life? Unfair huh? Well, I seriously don't know.
Just a mixture of thinking
As I off the lights of my room, it just suddenly dawned on me how the normal size room seems bigger all of a sudden. Then, i thought of my friends who are studying in Malaysia, staying hostel and all. Then, again, I realised, the price I have to pay compared to them. And again I realised, how I'm not staying in a school's compound but rather staying in an apartment. In overseas. When you think about all these, you'll suddenly realise, it's quite surprising how things turned out to be.
With the days getting longer, and I just lay on my bed and staring at the ceiling, suddenly I realise, how far am I from other people that I used to live with. My family, friends, and all. It's like we all have our own things to do and life continues as it is. With everyone busy about their own things, living their own ways. It can be surprising how insignificant one is in this world.
Independence. When I realised my own situation, having to do a lot of things on my own. Having to get my life going on my own. Then I thought of how my friends are doing the same as well in Malaysia or anywhere else in the world. We become independent. That's how life's supposed to be I guess.
Went to look at one of my friend's photos with his girlfriend. At first I thought, so young already like that kind of development. Then again, I realised, I usually think that those kind of stuffs are only suitable for those who have reached over twenties. Then I realised, we ARE over twenty.
With the days getting longer, and I just lay on my bed and staring at the ceiling, suddenly I realise, how far am I from other people that I used to live with. My family, friends, and all. It's like we all have our own things to do and life continues as it is. With everyone busy about their own things, living their own ways. It can be surprising how insignificant one is in this world.
Independence. When I realised my own situation, having to do a lot of things on my own. Having to get my life going on my own. Then I thought of how my friends are doing the same as well in Malaysia or anywhere else in the world. We become independent. That's how life's supposed to be I guess.
Went to look at one of my friend's photos with his girlfriend. At first I thought, so young already like that kind of development. Then again, I realised, I usually think that those kind of stuffs are only suitable for those who have reached over twenties. Then I realised, we ARE over twenty.
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