Every break up is definitely straining both physically and emotionally, except probably in those cases where the relationships didn't have a correct start to begin with. But when you started a relationship, you never thought of breaking someone's heart or having your heart broken.
Initiating a break-up is not something easy, in contrast with what they portrayed in movies or dramas. These movies or dramas did not exactly focus on the one initiating the break up but rather on the one who had their hearts broken, which of course, increases the depression of the one initiating the break-up.
When someone says that he or she wants to back out from a long relationship, and he or she says, "It's not your fault. It's totally my fault." For one thing, they really do mean it. When you breakup with someone, it means you're breaking all the promises to the other person while you were in the relationship. The promises such as, "You will always be in my life...", "We will have a happy future together..", "I will be by your side always..", "I will always protect you and never hurt you..." etc.
However, when you find out that you can't see the future with that someone, and that you think that the other person deserve someone better, it's like you're actually walking back on your promises. It's like you're telling the other person, "My future will not have you...", "We will never have future together..", "I will never be by your side..." and "I will only hurt you more.."etc.
The one who is initiating the breakup will have to go through the torments of these thoughts before they do it. The guilt, the embarrassment, the thought of the sufferings you're going to inflict on the other person can definitely drive you crazy. You blame yourself for not being able to stay faithful and not being able to persuade yourself to include the other person in your life. Yet, not being able to wholeheartedly fulfill the promises seems more cruel to the other person. A short term pain is definitely better than a long term pain.
So, in the end, you decided to tell that someone you want to back out from the relationship. You see that person falls into despair. You see the world around that person seems to crash down right in front of your eyes, like a snow globe being smashed to the ground - a perfect but imaginary world being crashed. You wish that you could turn back the time, to the time where you never made the promises...to the time when you did not agree to the relationship.. to the time when the other person have never known you...no matter how grateful you are for the memories you have together.
Then you'll try to persuade yourself that the other person would only be sad for the time being and he or she would come around somehow. You would hope that the other person would not hate you after that, to the point of even erasing the memories between you. But if hatred or anger could help that person to be better, it still seems all the better. And you'll hope that someday, another person would heal the hurt that you've given to the other person.
Over the border?
Sometimes, I wonder, how to define the border? Where exactly is the border? Does someone knows if what he or she is doing is over the border?
After seeing the things that happened, I can't help but wonder, sometimes what this person I know is doing, is actually good for the other person? It's like when everything's actually concluded and that this person actually drew the line, somehow this person blurs the line again and raising up hopes for the other person.
I mean, I never understood why some things you have to draw a line before this. But now that I actually see what not drawing the line can cause, I finally understand why. And even if that means hurting the other person along the way, but still an "acute" pain is way better than "chronic" pain..Lol!!! Okay, now seriously I can say I do study...
But then again, I can never understand some people can actually come back again and again to the person that hurt them so many times before, and to make matters worse, the countless times they got hurt weren't just mild pain. From what I observe, it's really amazing how humans feed off on hope. The very tiny "drop" of hope can actually just make them continuing what they do and not giving up. Not to say that this is bad,in fact it's very good at times. But, in some matters, yes, it is very bad and I would say it's actually rather unfortunate.
Unfortunately I have to watch whatever that's going on keep on going on and I can't make any comments because I know what I say will never get into whoever's head and they will just brush things off because of the hope they get and give, and because their definitions of "being virtuous" and "pathetic" are different than mine. They will have to learn this lesson themselves,that is, if they ever come to the conclusion.I mean, I sure don't want to get myself tangled up in another ugly mess again even if they're all my close ones. Whoever they are, they'll have to sort this out themselves.
After seeing the things that happened, I can't help but wonder, sometimes what this person I know is doing, is actually good for the other person? It's like when everything's actually concluded and that this person actually drew the line, somehow this person blurs the line again and raising up hopes for the other person.
I mean, I never understood why some things you have to draw a line before this. But now that I actually see what not drawing the line can cause, I finally understand why. And even if that means hurting the other person along the way, but still an "acute" pain is way better than "chronic" pain..Lol!!! Okay, now seriously I can say I do study...
But then again, I can never understand some people can actually come back again and again to the person that hurt them so many times before, and to make matters worse, the countless times they got hurt weren't just mild pain. From what I observe, it's really amazing how humans feed off on hope. The very tiny "drop" of hope can actually just make them continuing what they do and not giving up. Not to say that this is bad,in fact it's very good at times. But, in some matters, yes, it is very bad and I would say it's actually rather unfortunate.
Unfortunately I have to watch whatever that's going on keep on going on and I can't make any comments because I know what I say will never get into whoever's head and they will just brush things off because of the hope they get and give, and because their definitions of "being virtuous" and "pathetic" are different than mine. They will have to learn this lesson themselves,that is, if they ever come to the conclusion.I mean, I sure don't want to get myself tangled up in another ugly mess again even if they're all my close ones. Whoever they are, they'll have to sort this out themselves.
Another "great" discovery of "species"
Okay, I realize, that all my blogs recently have been just filled with anger...Sigh, well, seriously I just can't be blamed for it because there's just like a lot of different people taking turns on getting on my nerves and probably because of the looming exams..
Anyway, as I've mentioned above, I've again discovered a new kind of "species" of human beings.
So I was talking to this person and what this person (from here, I'll just use "it" to denote this person rather than "this person" which would just make the whole passage messy)said totally blew me off.
It told me that its family would not object to it befriending a certain person if the family background is good. I was like, what the fuck. I mean, what was it thinking? I mean, does it really think that it comes from some noble family and that it's looking for a good spouse who's as of the same rank in medieval age meh? Fuah!!!
I mean, we have no rights to discriminate people because of their background or even criticize someone's parents who work as something-not-being-approved or anything like that. I mean, these parents work hard to put meal on the table for their children as well, it's just because they just probably weren't borned with the privilege of having a better jobs or probably financial background. We definitely have no rights to even say anything about their family background. I mean, really? At this modern age, this kind of thinking still exist!!!
I must say, I've definitely met my fair share of different kinds of people and each day, new category appears. This world definitely is filled with different kinds of people.
Anyway, as I've mentioned above, I've again discovered a new kind of "species" of human beings.
So I was talking to this person and what this person (from here, I'll just use "it" to denote this person rather than "this person" which would just make the whole passage messy)said totally blew me off.
It told me that its family would not object to it befriending a certain person if the family background is good. I was like, what the fuck. I mean, what was it thinking? I mean, does it really think that it comes from some noble family and that it's looking for a good spouse who's as of the same rank in medieval age meh? Fuah!!!
I mean, we have no rights to discriminate people because of their background or even criticize someone's parents who work as something-not-being-approved or anything like that. I mean, these parents work hard to put meal on the table for their children as well, it's just because they just probably weren't borned with the privilege of having a better jobs or probably financial background. We definitely have no rights to even say anything about their family background. I mean, really? At this modern age, this kind of thinking still exist!!!
I must say, I've definitely met my fair share of different kinds of people and each day, new category appears. This world definitely is filled with different kinds of people.
What counts?
After years of befriending people and being a friend to others, I've met people who have come up with different criteria for them to consider someone to be a good friend. But somehow, the people I've met never mentioned sincerity before. Probably,it's because the friends that I have never befriended someone who's not sincere as for one thing, this kind of people are like, one in a million kind.
Ah well, I don't know if I'm lucky or what, but I somehow met this kind of one-in-a-million person. I mean, it's like I've never seen anyone who can be as superficial as this one person that I know and I've never understood "insincere" this word until I've met this person because I always thought that it's just impossible to be insincere when you're befriending someone. I mean, the whole point of friendship is to just take your sincerity and show that sincerity to your friends and not pretend to be sincere when you're obviously not.
Damn!! I mean, no one's not gonna blame you if you don't try be a good person and stop trying so damn hard to make sure everyone gives you that stamp "excellent friend". No one's going to blame you if you don't find anything interesting. No one's going to blame you if you just make yourself not available for closeness, but faking everything about caring and just faking being a friend, that's like totally a mind-blowing crap and pathetic!!!
Well the thing is, what I gained from this is, just adding another category to the people I've met in my 22 years of life.
Ah well, I don't know if I'm lucky or what, but I somehow met this kind of one-in-a-million person. I mean, it's like I've never seen anyone who can be as superficial as this one person that I know and I've never understood "insincere" this word until I've met this person because I always thought that it's just impossible to be insincere when you're befriending someone. I mean, the whole point of friendship is to just take your sincerity and show that sincerity to your friends and not pretend to be sincere when you're obviously not.
Damn!! I mean, no one's not gonna blame you if you don't try be a good person and stop trying so damn hard to make sure everyone gives you that stamp "excellent friend". No one's going to blame you if you don't find anything interesting. No one's going to blame you if you just make yourself not available for closeness, but faking everything about caring and just faking being a friend, that's like totally a mind-blowing crap and pathetic!!!
Well the thing is, what I gained from this is, just adding another category to the people I've met in my 22 years of life.
Another theory to the test!!
I have this one theory - if you have done nothing wrong and the other person wronged you and just make it as if you're on the wrong side to the whole world, that person would never start the conversation when you meet.
Again and again, I've proven my theory to be true every time. Yeah, I know, somehow I always ended up in that kind of awkward position where either I was being bullied or people just like to wrong me or somehow putting someone's fault upfront without realizing what I was doing and got into a quarrel. Lol!!! I know, for those who know me, they'll know I'm famous for acting without thinking first and then ending in a messy situation.
Anyway, so the other day, I was supposed to go with a group of people to a certain place with this particular person who bullied me. Okay, here's a bit recap (Recap!!! Lol!!!) In one sentence, the person bullied me when we were in college. And some ignorant and nosy fool who never knew what happened, went and asked her if she has forgiven me (I was like, "Dude, what the fuck!!" when he told me that he asked her that.) Anyway, so then I knew that people somehow got the wrong idea that I was the one on the wrong side. And guess what? Every time I met the girl on the street or anywhere, I greeted her but she was always the one avoiding my eyes. Or, when we're all together in a group, I was always the one comfortable and she'll be the one who's like super awkward. For people who knew what happened back in college, they saw that I was always the one that start talking, they just admired my generosity. I mean, what can be cooler? In this matter, the only person I'm bearing a grudge against is the bitchy fool who went and asked the extra question.
Then, there's the other person whom I've gotten into a fight with. In this case, both parties had some wrongs here and there. I apologized sincerely as soon as I knew that I was wrong but the other person somehow being a very petty person, I was not forgiven. Okay, I must admit, that time when I realized that the other person didn't want to accept my apology, I was angry again because the other person was wrong as well in criticizing me in public about some things that I did when I was just trying to justify the situation. Okay, enough with story. So the first time that we met, again, I was being the generous person, I started talking to the person. And wow, I tell you, the expression on the person's face was like definitely worthless!!! It's like the person didn't know what to do, face twitching, trying hard to smile and be casual with me because the person probably didn't expect that I would take the initiative to talk.
In conclusion, when you start talking to the other person whom you're not in good terms with even when the person is the one who's wrong , it just shows that you're too generous to consider the things that the pathetic person did. And when you do, when other people see the expression or the action of the person, they'll see the shame on the face of that person and just know who's in the wrong without you having to tell them. =)
Again and again, I've proven my theory to be true every time. Yeah, I know, somehow I always ended up in that kind of awkward position where either I was being bullied or people just like to wrong me or somehow putting someone's fault upfront without realizing what I was doing and got into a quarrel. Lol!!! I know, for those who know me, they'll know I'm famous for acting without thinking first and then ending in a messy situation.
Anyway, so the other day, I was supposed to go with a group of people to a certain place with this particular person who bullied me. Okay, here's a bit recap (Recap!!! Lol!!!) In one sentence, the person bullied me when we were in college. And some ignorant and nosy fool who never knew what happened, went and asked her if she has forgiven me (I was like, "Dude, what the fuck!!" when he told me that he asked her that.) Anyway, so then I knew that people somehow got the wrong idea that I was the one on the wrong side. And guess what? Every time I met the girl on the street or anywhere, I greeted her but she was always the one avoiding my eyes. Or, when we're all together in a group, I was always the one comfortable and she'll be the one who's like super awkward. For people who knew what happened back in college, they saw that I was always the one that start talking, they just admired my generosity. I mean, what can be cooler? In this matter, the only person I'm bearing a grudge against is the bitchy fool who went and asked the extra question.
Then, there's the other person whom I've gotten into a fight with. In this case, both parties had some wrongs here and there. I apologized sincerely as soon as I knew that I was wrong but the other person somehow being a very petty person, I was not forgiven. Okay, I must admit, that time when I realized that the other person didn't want to accept my apology, I was angry again because the other person was wrong as well in criticizing me in public about some things that I did when I was just trying to justify the situation. Okay, enough with story. So the first time that we met, again, I was being the generous person, I started talking to the person. And wow, I tell you, the expression on the person's face was like definitely worthless!!! It's like the person didn't know what to do, face twitching, trying hard to smile and be casual with me because the person probably didn't expect that I would take the initiative to talk.
In conclusion, when you start talking to the other person whom you're not in good terms with even when the person is the one who's wrong , it just shows that you're too generous to consider the things that the pathetic person did. And when you do, when other people see the expression or the action of the person, they'll see the shame on the face of that person and just know who's in the wrong without you having to tell them. =)
Naiveness or hypocrisy preferable?
For the past few weeks it was definitely challenging for me to keep my cool in few circumstances that happened. There were times when I nearly shouted to someone, "WHAT THE FUCK!!" or the more civilized manner, "DAMN, JUST STOP BEING A HYPOCRITE!!"
Sigh...So as things happened, and as I didn't let out my emotions, the different kinds of emotions kept on accumulating, finally, I just couldn't hold it anymore and expressed my agitation the other day but the response I got just nearly blew me over. So this person just apologized to me as if just for the sake of apologizing and walked out on me when it was the person's fault. Wow!!! I mean, it's like recognizing a whole new level of hypocrisy I've ever seen.
Well then, I started thinking about the people in my life. There are just some people who are naive and inconsiderate, then there's the wise but inconsiderate (in other word, selfish), there's also the wise, pretends to be considerate but in reality just plain inconsiderate (simply, hypocrite). Seriously, I prefer the naive and inconsiderate so much more than the other two types which just will definitely drive you mad.
Sigh...So as things happened, and as I didn't let out my emotions, the different kinds of emotions kept on accumulating, finally, I just couldn't hold it anymore and expressed my agitation the other day but the response I got just nearly blew me over. So this person just apologized to me as if just for the sake of apologizing and walked out on me when it was the person's fault. Wow!!! I mean, it's like recognizing a whole new level of hypocrisy I've ever seen.
Well then, I started thinking about the people in my life. There are just some people who are naive and inconsiderate, then there's the wise but inconsiderate (in other word, selfish), there's also the wise, pretends to be considerate but in reality just plain inconsiderate (simply, hypocrite). Seriously, I prefer the naive and inconsiderate so much more than the other two types which just will definitely drive you mad.
Something memorable?
It's finally my 200th blog and yes, I know, I should have written it yesterday and it would have been the "200th blog on 11.11.11". I know, a bit running slow on my reaction and thinking time these few days.
So I was thinking about what should I write for my 200th blog? Well, basically, nothing much happened in my life the past few weeks despite the fact that I've been going to various kinds of activities available here in Prague as not pricey and not time consuming such as swimming in one of the high-end gyms here for FREE.
Well, recently, I've gotten myself into squash. This sport I would highly recommend to people to try it out. Seriously, it was really fun with all the adrenaline rush and at the end, you'll be satisfied with the amount of exercise you've done. However, I would seriously ask people who are going to try it out to be extra careful as I nearly broke my ankle last night. It was similar to what happened to my friend last time. My foot stuck to the ground while I while running sideway and I would say that it's God's protection that I fell in sort of a way that prevented me from breaking my ankle. Wow...after I fell down, as I felt the strain that almost broke my ankle, I was just plain thankful that nothing happened.
Ah well, here's the cream of the blog today. "Juicy" stuffs. Well, not exactly. Anyway, so yesterday, as I was discussing about how hard it is to let go of someone whom you really like, somehow we came to discuss about the people that I've liked. After I've discussed it, I found out that I didn't exactly regret liking the one person I truly liked last time. He was definitely a great person. And I'm truly glad that he's found someone who's similar to him.
And to be honest, despite the fact that I've been trying to convince myself that repeating year was not a big deal, somehow the thought would always popped into my head. Then, the other day, a friend shared with me this verse.
"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58
And whenever the thought of my failure popped into my head, this verse would always just come back in time and stopped myself from getting depressed.
And my mom sent me a verse as well.
Malachi 3:3 says, "He will sit still as a refiner and purifier of silver." Well, of course this mere verse won't make any sense, but the following description made me smile to myself. In refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities and he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time and he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. And to know when the silver is truly refined, is when the silversmith can see his own image in it. So,if today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eyes on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
So I was thinking about what should I write for my 200th blog? Well, basically, nothing much happened in my life the past few weeks despite the fact that I've been going to various kinds of activities available here in Prague as not pricey and not time consuming such as swimming in one of the high-end gyms here for FREE.
Well, recently, I've gotten myself into squash. This sport I would highly recommend to people to try it out. Seriously, it was really fun with all the adrenaline rush and at the end, you'll be satisfied with the amount of exercise you've done. However, I would seriously ask people who are going to try it out to be extra careful as I nearly broke my ankle last night. It was similar to what happened to my friend last time. My foot stuck to the ground while I while running sideway and I would say that it's God's protection that I fell in sort of a way that prevented me from breaking my ankle. Wow...after I fell down, as I felt the strain that almost broke my ankle, I was just plain thankful that nothing happened.
Ah well, here's the cream of the blog today. "Juicy" stuffs. Well, not exactly. Anyway, so yesterday, as I was discussing about how hard it is to let go of someone whom you really like, somehow we came to discuss about the people that I've liked. After I've discussed it, I found out that I didn't exactly regret liking the one person I truly liked last time. He was definitely a great person. And I'm truly glad that he's found someone who's similar to him.
And to be honest, despite the fact that I've been trying to convince myself that repeating year was not a big deal, somehow the thought would always popped into my head. Then, the other day, a friend shared with me this verse.
"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58
And whenever the thought of my failure popped into my head, this verse would always just come back in time and stopped myself from getting depressed.
And my mom sent me a verse as well.
Malachi 3:3 says, "He will sit still as a refiner and purifier of silver." Well, of course this mere verse won't make any sense, but the following description made me smile to myself. In refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities and he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time and he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. And to know when the silver is truly refined, is when the silversmith can see his own image in it. So,if today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eyes on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
How far have I wandered off?
So after three weeks that I've come back to Prague, somehow I was always preoccupied with things that would otherwise be rather unimportant compared to what I've done today - Be thankful that I'm God's child.
I mean, for the past few days, I felt rather empty. I mean, life was just like checking all the things to do in a list. Then, suddenly, this morning, a song suddenly popped into my head and I started singing. And with singing to looking for the lyrics for the song, reading the lyrics... And I just felt God's amazing love, as I listened to the song posted above.
And watching the video was just like awakening from my "dead" life before. How Christ suffered and died for me. Even for an unworthy wretched me, HE was willing to go through all the sufferings, being forsaken and condemned. How amazing is HIS love!!!
For the few days that I've started going to school, I was feeling a bit depressed and sad because I kept on thinking how I should have been in fourth year rather than in third year. I kept thinking how unfair it was for me. I was so stupid that I overlooked the fact how much God loves me that HE placed so many amazing and totally good friends around me, just because I was so occupied by anger,pain, envy,jealousy and hatred caused by the many trials I faced.
I've come to realize that despite how things seem to be very wrong, God's love and faithfulness is never wrong and never ceasing.
Too much caffeine or too much of other stuffs?
After drinking my third cup of caffeine dose last night, I can definitely confirm that 2 cups are my maximum for a day. After the third cup, seriously, all I did was just walking up and down my room, couldn't even look at the book for more than a second. I could feel like my heart over-pumped kinda thing.
However, there might actually be other contributing factors to my restlessness as well i think. First of all, I just found that my longest crush is getting married soon. Then, there's just another character that has just left. And then, there's the never-ending-things to study and the never-ending-problems that kept on piling up.
After the character that I mentioned left, I regretted a bit because I feel that there are still so many things that I really want to share with that person. And I didn't even said my farewell. Haih... And because of this, my head just keeps on having flashes of memories and what-could-have-been images. Urgh...I don't even have a photo with that person..chongmal bogohshipuh...
However, there might actually be other contributing factors to my restlessness as well i think. First of all, I just found that my longest crush is getting married soon. Then, there's just another character that has just left. And then, there's the never-ending-things to study and the never-ending-problems that kept on piling up.
After the character that I mentioned left, I regretted a bit because I feel that there are still so many things that I really want to share with that person. And I didn't even said my farewell. Haih... And because of this, my head just keeps on having flashes of memories and what-could-have-been images. Urgh...I don't even have a photo with that person..chongmal bogohshipuh...
Time flies...
It feels like it was just yesterday that I had at least a month before my initial date for Microbiology exam and now it's only left with 7 days? Definitely, pushing the date backward now. Haih...Was actually hoping to finish this exam quickly so that I can go travelling while waiting for my visa to be done. Well, I guess I have no choice anymore. Hopefully I will be able to be ready in 14 days now..
Well, situation doesn't look too good as well now. Probably, it's because reading too much about infections, I'm now down with flu-like symptoms as well. Sigh...All these different parasites are seriously driving me crazy, not just the way they look and how they cause diseases in humans, memorizing their names is just giving me serious headache. I mean, seriously, my head is back to the season where the pain is banging on my head every now and then.
How time flies seriously? I really think it was just not that long ago when I was thinking that I still have a few months with this friend of mine. But this friend is leaving within this week. Sigh.....There's nothing much I can do about it but letting go. Fortunately, I really have a lot of memories about this friend especially there was a major input from an outing on Friday. Still, it's really a pity I have to start forgetting...
Why does time have to move so fast? Or, more correctly, why time must continue moving? ...
Well, situation doesn't look too good as well now. Probably, it's because reading too much about infections, I'm now down with flu-like symptoms as well. Sigh...All these different parasites are seriously driving me crazy, not just the way they look and how they cause diseases in humans, memorizing their names is just giving me serious headache. I mean, seriously, my head is back to the season where the pain is banging on my head every now and then.
How time flies seriously? I really think it was just not that long ago when I was thinking that I still have a few months with this friend of mine. But this friend is leaving within this week. Sigh.....There's nothing much I can do about it but letting go. Fortunately, I really have a lot of memories about this friend especially there was a major input from an outing on Friday. Still, it's really a pity I have to start forgetting...
Why does time have to move so fast? Or, more correctly, why time must continue moving? ...
First comment after started reading Microbiology...
When I first turned the first few pages, I was of course still fine. As I flipped through the pages, trying to see how much I need to study, saw a few pictures that are just plain stomach-turning.
Seriously, after more and more pages that I flipped through, the urge of vomiting became increasingly overwhelming. The gruesome effects that some of the pathogens, (bacteria, viruses, fungi...you name it) on the patients felt somewhat heartbreaking. I mean, in some of the pictures, the pathogens affected children and babies. I mean, to imagine such tiny things had to go through so much pain.
However, looking at the pictures seriously affected my desire to read the book now. I feel like I might actually be haunted by nightmares after I continue reading. Sigh...well, I guess I have no choice.
Why does time have to move so fast?!!! Now I'm left with only possibly 14 to 21 days before my next exam. Sigh..........Have to start saying goodbye to my holiday mood now.. I mean, at least, keep it until after my next exam that is.
Seriously, after more and more pages that I flipped through, the urge of vomiting became increasingly overwhelming. The gruesome effects that some of the pathogens, (bacteria, viruses, fungi...you name it) on the patients felt somewhat heartbreaking. I mean, in some of the pictures, the pathogens affected children and babies. I mean, to imagine such tiny things had to go through so much pain.
However, looking at the pictures seriously affected my desire to read the book now. I feel like I might actually be haunted by nightmares after I continue reading. Sigh...well, I guess I have no choice.
Why does time have to move so fast?!!! Now I'm left with only possibly 14 to 21 days before my next exam. Sigh..........Have to start saying goodbye to my holiday mood now.. I mean, at least, keep it until after my next exam that is.
Closing the chapter of my second year
Finally, the heavy burden was lifted from my shoulders. The thought of being that close to being sent home was just over depressing when I was revising my exam. And the fact that I could continue with my journey, I'm just plain thankful about it.
After being through repeating year, I must say, now that I've confirmed that I could moved on, I could see bits and pieces of God's plans and reasons for me to repeat year. And looking back on the year, I couldn't even finish counting the blessings that God has showered on me abundantly.
In a way, despite how depressing repeating year was, it was actually sort of like a long "break" from the stressful life of studying medicine for me. A "break" that I didn't want but apparently God saw the need of it for me. And I must say, I did enjoy the year and was able to regain the energy that was almost diminished in me before.
And as I reflect on my way of life before my repeating year, I do realise that I was actually inching away from God. And because of my repeating year and because of the slower pace of life, I was able to slowly come to find comfort in God's embrace again. And I really thank God for it.
The most important of all, the friends that I met and have come to know better, phoo...I can barely describe how awesome God really is. The overwhelming support that I got from friends that I didn't know well before just touched me so much, that I just am plain thankful for actually repeating year. There are the friends from church, both from my own Catholic church and from the Protestant church. The friends that I have come to know so much better. Other than that, the friends from the Malaysian group. I guess, God knows that I would never be able to make it through if I were to continue my journey being in the same year as my other friends that I was with from the beginning. I'm not saying that they're not good friends, just that they are just not friends that would actually get me through the tormentous six years.
After I was demoted and remained in second year and will be continuing the next few years with my juniors, I found out that I could see my future with them. The interaction among us was so amazing that I was beginning to wonder why it wasn't like that in my own batch. How we leaned on each other, how each of us support one another, and the fun of studying things together. I'm just really grateful for the chance to be able to study with this new group of comrades. And I'm just so grateful to actually being able to know some of them even better and found out what great friends they are.
Like I said, the countless benefits that I finally started to see from repeating year are so much that I couldn't even describe all of them. Conclusion is, it was definitely a REFRESHING year indeed!!!
After being through repeating year, I must say, now that I've confirmed that I could moved on, I could see bits and pieces of God's plans and reasons for me to repeat year. And looking back on the year, I couldn't even finish counting the blessings that God has showered on me abundantly.
In a way, despite how depressing repeating year was, it was actually sort of like a long "break" from the stressful life of studying medicine for me. A "break" that I didn't want but apparently God saw the need of it for me. And I must say, I did enjoy the year and was able to regain the energy that was almost diminished in me before.
And as I reflect on my way of life before my repeating year, I do realise that I was actually inching away from God. And because of my repeating year and because of the slower pace of life, I was able to slowly come to find comfort in God's embrace again. And I really thank God for it.
The most important of all, the friends that I met and have come to know better, phoo...I can barely describe how awesome God really is. The overwhelming support that I got from friends that I didn't know well before just touched me so much, that I just am plain thankful for actually repeating year. There are the friends from church, both from my own Catholic church and from the Protestant church. The friends that I have come to know so much better. Other than that, the friends from the Malaysian group. I guess, God knows that I would never be able to make it through if I were to continue my journey being in the same year as my other friends that I was with from the beginning. I'm not saying that they're not good friends, just that they are just not friends that would actually get me through the tormentous six years.
After I was demoted and remained in second year and will be continuing the next few years with my juniors, I found out that I could see my future with them. The interaction among us was so amazing that I was beginning to wonder why it wasn't like that in my own batch. How we leaned on each other, how each of us support one another, and the fun of studying things together. I'm just really grateful for the chance to be able to study with this new group of comrades. And I'm just so grateful to actually being able to know some of them even better and found out what great friends they are.
Like I said, the countless benefits that I finally started to see from repeating year are so much that I couldn't even describe all of them. Conclusion is, it was definitely a REFRESHING year indeed!!!
God is just so AWESOME!!!
Okay, i know it's been a week since I passed my exam on last Monday. I can barely describe the feeling of finally finishing the chapter of my second year. After I came out from the examiner's room, the fact of me passing the exam couldn't exactly sink in my head. Hahahahaha...
Anyway, when I was in the exam, I could really see God's grace for me. I mean, after being through the exam and all the things that happened during the exam, all I can say is that, no matter what, God is definitely in charge. HE's definitely the boss in all matters.
I didn't do too well in my written exam as I expected it to be, due to careless mistakes that I made in the exam. And it all started to seem downright daunting from the beginning. With me just half a mark from actually failing the written exam, to the part where I didn't get the examiner that I wanted and ended up with a super old and genius and detailed biochemist maniac examiner.
Anyway, when I first got my set of questions, I was surprised because most of them I just reviewed in the morning before I went to the exam or the night before. However, there's one sub-question of the first question that I overlooked during my revision because I took things for granted thinking that I knew about the question. When I looked at the question, I knew the basic principles but not the specific detail that they wanted and stated in the question. I started to panic then and was just praying for a miracle.
And guess what? Despite the fact that as soon as I started presenting my answer to the examiner and that the examiner was really pounding on me on the first few subquestions of the first question, he actually OVERLOOKED the whole sub-question that I didn't revise. I was like, whoa...that's like definitely God answering my prayer.
And so, the examiner moved on to the other four questions and I was pounded hard because I was asked questions on physics and pathology and stuffs like that. However, in the end, the examiner just passed me, partly because I showed knowledge of the basics and I must say, God's grace.
I mean, all the things would never happen in a million years but God showed me infinite grace that He overturned the whole situation in favor of me. He made the examiner overlooked the question and He made the examiner extra patient with me and the most important of all, HE let me passed!! All I can say is, HE's definitely the boss!!!
Anyway, when I was in the exam, I could really see God's grace for me. I mean, after being through the exam and all the things that happened during the exam, all I can say is that, no matter what, God is definitely in charge. HE's definitely the boss in all matters.
I didn't do too well in my written exam as I expected it to be, due to careless mistakes that I made in the exam. And it all started to seem downright daunting from the beginning. With me just half a mark from actually failing the written exam, to the part where I didn't get the examiner that I wanted and ended up with a super old and genius and detailed biochemist maniac examiner.
Anyway, when I first got my set of questions, I was surprised because most of them I just reviewed in the morning before I went to the exam or the night before. However, there's one sub-question of the first question that I overlooked during my revision because I took things for granted thinking that I knew about the question. When I looked at the question, I knew the basic principles but not the specific detail that they wanted and stated in the question. I started to panic then and was just praying for a miracle.
And guess what? Despite the fact that as soon as I started presenting my answer to the examiner and that the examiner was really pounding on me on the first few subquestions of the first question, he actually OVERLOOKED the whole sub-question that I didn't revise. I was like, whoa...that's like definitely God answering my prayer.
And so, the examiner moved on to the other four questions and I was pounded hard because I was asked questions on physics and pathology and stuffs like that. However, in the end, the examiner just passed me, partly because I showed knowledge of the basics and I must say, God's grace.
I mean, all the things would never happen in a million years but God showed me infinite grace that He overturned the whole situation in favor of me. He made the examiner overlooked the question and He made the examiner extra patient with me and the most important of all, HE let me passed!! All I can say is, HE's definitely the boss!!!
Amazing!!!
Today has been quite an amazing day I must say. As me and my friends went out, we met this guy who actually just arrived in Prague and you could actually see how helpless he felt because he said he didn't have enough money to buy a ticket to the place he has been offered work. He was from Slovakia and he was looking for jobs for very long and finally he was offered a rough work outside Prague.
When he received the food, he was the first person I've seen to have actually read the bible passage before opening the pack. I was really touched when I saw how earnestly he was reading and you could actually see how touched he was by it. And while noone noticed it, I saw tears and he was trying to hide them. Then he told us his story.
I just can't believe how amazing are God's ways. Like there's something in the bible that says HE will always provide for HIS faithfuls. And my friend gave him the amount of money he needed and from this, I was like thinking, the guy was really just despairing and probably felt hopeless, but God sent my friend to him and gave him exactly what he needed. I can't even describe properly the feelings really. I'm just totally amazed by how wonderful HE is!!
When he received the food, he was the first person I've seen to have actually read the bible passage before opening the pack. I was really touched when I saw how earnestly he was reading and you could actually see how touched he was by it. And while noone noticed it, I saw tears and he was trying to hide them. Then he told us his story.
I just can't believe how amazing are God's ways. Like there's something in the bible that says HE will always provide for HIS faithfuls. And my friend gave him the amount of money he needed and from this, I was like thinking, the guy was really just despairing and probably felt hopeless, but God sent my friend to him and gave him exactly what he needed. I can't even describe properly the feelings really. I'm just totally amazed by how wonderful HE is!!
Truly Understand
After I heard about how a Catholic actually turned away from the Catholic teaching into thinking that Catholic teachings are wrong, I realised just how truly understanding your own faith is so important. Another thing, spiritual leaders can be people that can actually guide you to God or further from God.
When I heard about how this particular someone, A, said how A was so afraid last time that A would go to hell because of just one small sin and that A had to do the "necessary" practices in Catholic teachings in order to be saved, I was like, "So that's how A actually was led into thinking that Catholic faith is wrong."
For one thing, the practices or rituals or prayers that we do as Catholics, it was never taught that we would go to hell if we don't do them. Rather, we were taught that we should do everything for the love of Christ - because we love HIM, we want to worship HIM in every way that we know, and thus the daily routine stuffs.
And as for the concept of Purgatory, it was not a place of punishment and forever separation from God. At least from my understanding, God actually visits Purgatory and the souls there are never actually separated from God. They are just being purified so that they could be a pure soul before joining God while living in Purgatory.
From whatever that I've heard, I realise the importance of a spiritual leaders to have the right understandings before they try to teach any faith because their teachings would eventually seed into something shapes people's lives.
As for the concept of having the hieracchy in the Catholic church, how some protestants are against this concept, well, after attending the mass of Holy Thursday (the day before Good Friday), I realised that how priests are not actually leaders of churches but rather the "servant" figures of churches. The way how they devote their wholes lives praying to God and praying for others, for people that they don't even know, helping others, offering services to people, it all actually just depicts the status of priests as opposed to what other people believe that we just believe that priests have higher status than us. The part where the priest washed the feet of parishioners at the mass of Holy Thursday really struck me that fact even more.
All in all, I'm really glad that the spiritual leaders in all the churches I've gone to truly understand their faith and the teachings that I've learnt from them. And I'm really proud to be brought up a Catholic as well as that the fact that I know Catholic faith is so amazing in its own ways.
When I heard about how this particular someone, A, said how A was so afraid last time that A would go to hell because of just one small sin and that A had to do the "necessary" practices in Catholic teachings in order to be saved, I was like, "So that's how A actually was led into thinking that Catholic faith is wrong."
For one thing, the practices or rituals or prayers that we do as Catholics, it was never taught that we would go to hell if we don't do them. Rather, we were taught that we should do everything for the love of Christ - because we love HIM, we want to worship HIM in every way that we know, and thus the daily routine stuffs.
And as for the concept of Purgatory, it was not a place of punishment and forever separation from God. At least from my understanding, God actually visits Purgatory and the souls there are never actually separated from God. They are just being purified so that they could be a pure soul before joining God while living in Purgatory.
From whatever that I've heard, I realise the importance of a spiritual leaders to have the right understandings before they try to teach any faith because their teachings would eventually seed into something shapes people's lives.
As for the concept of having the hieracchy in the Catholic church, how some protestants are against this concept, well, after attending the mass of Holy Thursday (the day before Good Friday), I realised that how priests are not actually leaders of churches but rather the "servant" figures of churches. The way how they devote their wholes lives praying to God and praying for others, for people that they don't even know, helping others, offering services to people, it all actually just depicts the status of priests as opposed to what other people believe that we just believe that priests have higher status than us. The part where the priest washed the feet of parishioners at the mass of Holy Thursday really struck me that fact even more.
All in all, I'm really glad that the spiritual leaders in all the churches I've gone to truly understand their faith and the teachings that I've learnt from them. And I'm really proud to be brought up a Catholic as well as that the fact that I know Catholic faith is so amazing in its own ways.
A different week...
I must say, the way that this week started definitely is exceptional. First of all, on Sunday, after getting up to a day of dizziness, I thought that it would just go away. Until in the afternoon, when I was in the kitchen, I felt a wave of extreme dizziness swept over me and for a moment, i almost blacked out but I somehow managed to to get ahold of myself and was leaning on the kitchen counter for a while before I regained my body again.
After that, I thought everything would be fine and I continued my day with the dizziness. For a few times, I tried going for a shower but before I made it to the bathroom, i realised that it might be a bit dangerous with the ongoing dizziness. Then, in the evening, i finally couldn't take it anymore, I went to have a shower. And the worst thing happened, I almost blacked out in the bathroom after my shower. I actually fell against the wall for a moment while trying to fight for consciousness. I quickly came out of the bathroom and eventually managed to call my housemate for help.
After that, it was all a mess. At first, only Adeline was supposed to bring me over to the hospital opposite for check-up. However, the best part was that, I didn't have the energy after to even lift myself for most of the part and kept on falling down. Coincidentally our friends were at our apartment and one of them was a guy. So he offered to go with us to the hospital. However, after falling a few times just walking from the room to our door, they decided to call over another guy to help guide me to the hospital.
And after that, it's more like "Tour of the hospital" kinda thing. First, we were told to go to the surgery department. Then, they asked us to go to the neurology department. In that department, i got a thorough checkup with ECG and the tests for nervous system. Everything was fine and the differential diagnosis they gave me were my neck position was correct and that the circulation to my brain was not entirely correct and due to my stress, there wasn't enough blood to my head; and another diagnosis they gave me was that it could be panic attack. Then, they sent me to the Etiology department. In that department, the doctor didn't even bother to check me because he said that I was laughing so I should be fine.
Ah well, overall, it was really not a very nice experience. For one thing, when i nearly passed out in the bathroom, i was thinking, this time I'm dead because noone would know anything that happened to me, unlike in the past, when I fainted, there was always someone near me. In the end, I came to a conclusion, that it might be due to stress because i do realise that everytime i fainted, i was always under immerse amount of stress. This time was no exception as well. However, this time I didn't realise how much stress i was actually under and the sources of my stress were somewhat absurd as well.
Another thing that happened this week was that our friend actually tore the ligament in his foot while playing table tennis. And his foot now is in a cast.
I must say, this week has definitely been a week of visitations to hospital. Lol!!!
After that, I thought everything would be fine and I continued my day with the dizziness. For a few times, I tried going for a shower but before I made it to the bathroom, i realised that it might be a bit dangerous with the ongoing dizziness. Then, in the evening, i finally couldn't take it anymore, I went to have a shower. And the worst thing happened, I almost blacked out in the bathroom after my shower. I actually fell against the wall for a moment while trying to fight for consciousness. I quickly came out of the bathroom and eventually managed to call my housemate for help.
After that, it was all a mess. At first, only Adeline was supposed to bring me over to the hospital opposite for check-up. However, the best part was that, I didn't have the energy after to even lift myself for most of the part and kept on falling down. Coincidentally our friends were at our apartment and one of them was a guy. So he offered to go with us to the hospital. However, after falling a few times just walking from the room to our door, they decided to call over another guy to help guide me to the hospital.
And after that, it's more like "Tour of the hospital" kinda thing. First, we were told to go to the surgery department. Then, they asked us to go to the neurology department. In that department, i got a thorough checkup with ECG and the tests for nervous system. Everything was fine and the differential diagnosis they gave me were my neck position was correct and that the circulation to my brain was not entirely correct and due to my stress, there wasn't enough blood to my head; and another diagnosis they gave me was that it could be panic attack. Then, they sent me to the Etiology department. In that department, the doctor didn't even bother to check me because he said that I was laughing so I should be fine.
Ah well, overall, it was really not a very nice experience. For one thing, when i nearly passed out in the bathroom, i was thinking, this time I'm dead because noone would know anything that happened to me, unlike in the past, when I fainted, there was always someone near me. In the end, I came to a conclusion, that it might be due to stress because i do realise that everytime i fainted, i was always under immerse amount of stress. This time was no exception as well. However, this time I didn't realise how much stress i was actually under and the sources of my stress were somewhat absurd as well.
Another thing that happened this week was that our friend actually tore the ligament in his foot while playing table tennis. And his foot now is in a cast.
I must say, this week has definitely been a week of visitations to hospital. Lol!!!
Knowing my own faith
It's been almost two weeks since I've come to realise how some people actually thought that Catholic teachings are wrong teachings, which is of course surprising to me. I mean, before this, all I thought that the Protestants disagree with Catholics because of how we pray for intercession of Saints and the Virgin Mary. However, when this friend of mine suddenly said that Catholic teachings are wrong, I was totally hurt and I, of course, tried defending my own faith.
She said that Catholic teachings are wrong because she was a Catholic once and that she felt the way her church last time was calling praise to Jesus and Mary is wrong. In this matter, I feel that she's totally jumping into conclusion that the whole Catholic church is wrong because for one thing, I know that the Catholic church herself disagree to this kind of things as well, so I told her that this may only be applied in her own country.
Well then, she said that the Catholic doctrine of Purgatory is wrong because she believes that once someone dies, it's either he goes to hell (if he doesn't believe in Christ) or he goes to heaven and there's no such thing as "in between". For one thing, when I made my point of defense, I didn't realise the words that were coming out of my mouth smoothly despite the fact that I was afraid that I would be wrong. Eventually, when I checked up my points, the words that I spoke to her were actually true to our Catholic faith. I said that Purgatory is the place where people who have died and have the grace of God not to be condemned into hell but because of the sins that they have committed in their lives stay. And they can go to Heaven through prayers until they are purified and therefore can join Christ in heaven.
However, I do realise, that I don't really know my own faith well enough. I would say that seriously, whatever that came out of my mouth the other day was definitely not my own words. Anyway, after that, I went to see another friend of mine for guidance because I was seriously hurt and frustrated that someone actually condemned my faith. Well, she said that since Protestants actually branched out from the Catholic faith itself, it's not possible that Catholic teaches wrong stuffs.
What I think is that as long as everyone believes in Christ, I seriously don't think that we're that different at all. I mean, for one thing, I feel that we shouldn't judge anything. When I told my friend in my own church about this, he told me, sometimes people don't really know and understand our faith before that made any assumption, therefore I should just forget about it. I mean, after what he told me, I do realise something, that this friend of mine who condemned Catholic faith, despite that she was a Catholic, her knowledge of the Catholic teachings was really quite limited. So, I really don't blame her after that. However, what I do disagree is that she shouldn't judge anything because it's not our place to judge.
What I do learn from this experience is that, there are people out there who are against the Catholic faith even among Christians. And secondly, I found out that I've grown in faith after my encounter with my friend. I mean, i started reading and all and discussed with friends. And I'm glad that I actually had the chance to stand up and fight for my faith. And of course, I seriously need to know about my own faith more so that I wouldn't be stuck the next time I encounter such people again.
She said that Catholic teachings are wrong because she was a Catholic once and that she felt the way her church last time was calling praise to Jesus and Mary is wrong. In this matter, I feel that she's totally jumping into conclusion that the whole Catholic church is wrong because for one thing, I know that the Catholic church herself disagree to this kind of things as well, so I told her that this may only be applied in her own country.
Well then, she said that the Catholic doctrine of Purgatory is wrong because she believes that once someone dies, it's either he goes to hell (if he doesn't believe in Christ) or he goes to heaven and there's no such thing as "in between". For one thing, when I made my point of defense, I didn't realise the words that were coming out of my mouth smoothly despite the fact that I was afraid that I would be wrong. Eventually, when I checked up my points, the words that I spoke to her were actually true to our Catholic faith. I said that Purgatory is the place where people who have died and have the grace of God not to be condemned into hell but because of the sins that they have committed in their lives stay. And they can go to Heaven through prayers until they are purified and therefore can join Christ in heaven.
However, I do realise, that I don't really know my own faith well enough. I would say that seriously, whatever that came out of my mouth the other day was definitely not my own words. Anyway, after that, I went to see another friend of mine for guidance because I was seriously hurt and frustrated that someone actually condemned my faith. Well, she said that since Protestants actually branched out from the Catholic faith itself, it's not possible that Catholic teaches wrong stuffs.
What I think is that as long as everyone believes in Christ, I seriously don't think that we're that different at all. I mean, for one thing, I feel that we shouldn't judge anything. When I told my friend in my own church about this, he told me, sometimes people don't really know and understand our faith before that made any assumption, therefore I should just forget about it. I mean, after what he told me, I do realise something, that this friend of mine who condemned Catholic faith, despite that she was a Catholic, her knowledge of the Catholic teachings was really quite limited. So, I really don't blame her after that. However, what I do disagree is that she shouldn't judge anything because it's not our place to judge.
What I do learn from this experience is that, there are people out there who are against the Catholic faith even among Christians. And secondly, I found out that I've grown in faith after my encounter with my friend. I mean, i started reading and all and discussed with friends. And I'm glad that I actually had the chance to stand up and fight for my faith. And of course, I seriously need to know about my own faith more so that I wouldn't be stuck the next time I encounter such people again.
"God has better plans for me"
"God has better plans for me" And this is what I kept on telling myself when I felt depressed again and again by the fact that I'm repeating year. Seriously, I know it's been so long since I've repeated year, but still the feeling of disappointment and helplessness do seep in now and then. It's exactly like what my friend once told me, that I would feel like this until I've finally finished Biochemistry which is like less than a month away. Yup, I'm in the mode where I'm almost cracking my skull trying to remember the facts in the Harper's book.
Anyway, seriously, I do believe that God does have better plans for me. I mean, to think that I've actually gained so much within this short period of time of repeating the year. I don't think if I were in third year, I would have done the things i've done the past few months.
And for one thing, I've come to realise, to my own surprise, how many people out there are actually rooting for me. I mean, the other day, I met this friend from church on the tram when suddenly he asked me when's my exam and all. And when I told him I am doing my exam earlier, he was like suddenly fired up and said, "I can't wait for you to go to the exam and kick butts which I'm sure you will." And he was reassuring me again not to give up by reminding me about his own story. I mean, I didn't expect him to remember what I've been through and actually cared enough to keep on praying for me when I only meet him like once in a week or maybe even less.
These past few months have been hard but as well, rewarding for me. I've learnt so many things. For one thing, I've come to see how God can work through so many different ways in people's lives. I don't know if I'm going to be alright in my upcoming exam, but I know, no matter what happens, God is always there for me. And to my reader(s), thank you for your support. Do keep me in your prayers. Thank you.
Anyway, seriously, I do believe that God does have better plans for me. I mean, to think that I've actually gained so much within this short period of time of repeating the year. I don't think if I were in third year, I would have done the things i've done the past few months.
And for one thing, I've come to realise, to my own surprise, how many people out there are actually rooting for me. I mean, the other day, I met this friend from church on the tram when suddenly he asked me when's my exam and all. And when I told him I am doing my exam earlier, he was like suddenly fired up and said, "I can't wait for you to go to the exam and kick butts which I'm sure you will." And he was reassuring me again not to give up by reminding me about his own story. I mean, I didn't expect him to remember what I've been through and actually cared enough to keep on praying for me when I only meet him like once in a week or maybe even less.
These past few months have been hard but as well, rewarding for me. I've learnt so many things. For one thing, I've come to see how God can work through so many different ways in people's lives. I don't know if I'm going to be alright in my upcoming exam, but I know, no matter what happens, God is always there for me. And to my reader(s), thank you for your support. Do keep me in your prayers. Thank you.
Giving Up
Sometimes it just seems so super easy to just give up and start all over again. I mean, what could be the worst thing that come out of it right? Just as long as you're happy right?
Well, recently, I kept on thinking about this and that. Then, I realise, I'm definitely super lucky to be able to have that kind of thought but still have the chance to keep on fighting and give it my best shot. I mean, some people don't even have that kind of chance.
So, all I want to say is, when you feel like giving up, think about those who didn't even have the chance to even consider keep on fighting.
Well, recently, I kept on thinking about this and that. Then, I realise, I'm definitely super lucky to be able to have that kind of thought but still have the chance to keep on fighting and give it my best shot. I mean, some people don't even have that kind of chance.
So, all I want to say is, when you feel like giving up, think about those who didn't even have the chance to even consider keep on fighting.
1 Litre of Tears - Kona Yuki
These few days I was rather down for the fact that my exam's coming up real soon. And at times I felt so pressured that I felt I couldn't breathe. For some reasons, giving up seems like very easy.
And at times, I felt like it's unfair for me to repeat year and that my pride was severely damaged by this. As I watched people who were supposed to be a year junior than me register with me for a certain exam, reality just feels so harsh at times.
So I was watching the above video, then I realised, how many people can actually have that kind of blessing of being able to live overseas, let alone living a dream? For one thing, when I look at the missing or dead victims of the natural disasters that occurred not long ago, I was just thinking how many of the young people could actually have been a very good doctor in the future. Well, I just feel that I should really do my best, because I'm actually living some of their dreams.
A walk through Prague
A sunny day, a walk along the river of Prague - totally amazing!!!!
Was taking a stroll back home from church. It was a really nice walk as I got to think about some things which of course couldn't be settled still. Lol!!! Nevertheles, it was still a beautiful journey.
I passed by Ujezd where Petrin Hill is. And the best thing about this place is that there this park where the cherry blossom trees line the sides. So when you're walking through the park, you're kinda like walking with cherry blossom trees on both of your sides. Super beautiful.
And then, I was walking through the bridge. The view of river was definitely spectacular!!! I mean, like today I really got a very different kind of view from my previous times. As I was just standing there, looking along the river, it's just so amazing how beautiful Prague can really be, even without the Old Town Square. The view of the castle, Charles Bridge, the small park underneath the bridge and the shaded area of the penisular. Wow!!!
Another competitor!!!
Well well...what I thought was confirmed by another friend of mine..Two weeks ago, I thought that maybe it's just me thinking too much,that a particular girl was going to fancy the guy that I have a crush on. And yesterday, another friend just confirmed with me that he noticed how she likes to stick to A (the guy I have a crush on). Hmph!!!! Lol!!! It's kinda fun to have been able to see how people are actually fond of A because of how much a nice guy he is. I mean, seriously, he's like the nicest guy I've ever met (of course, except my own brothers). And it's kinda fun that I am able to "stake my claim" over A!!! Lol!!! Seriously, hahahahahahahahahaha...
Anyway, i'm just really grateful for being able to know such a great guy and that he knows me too. In a way, he's really like a great great big brother figure kinda thing. Probably because he has younger sibling or what, somehow, when he's like talking or teaching us anything, he's really like an adult talking to a younger person kinda thing. Super patient and kind and his expression like that of an older brother talking to a kid, that's really like very sweet!!
Ok, I just realised I might actually just write this whole blog just about him. Well, to be honest, my mind is actually just filled of memories of him...Lol!!! Ok, change of topic.
Well, last night we went to a party held by friends that just moved. I seriously love their new apartment. It's so homey. Like the whole setting kinda thing. A super comfortable place. And of course, had the chance to eat like lots of chinese food which of course occur rather rarely, was definitely great. Hihihi...
Overall, this whole week has been really a week packed with thrills and satisfaction.
Anyway, i'm just really grateful for being able to know such a great guy and that he knows me too. In a way, he's really like a great great big brother figure kinda thing. Probably because he has younger sibling or what, somehow, when he's like talking or teaching us anything, he's really like an adult talking to a younger person kinda thing. Super patient and kind and his expression like that of an older brother talking to a kid, that's really like very sweet!!
Ok, I just realised I might actually just write this whole blog just about him. Well, to be honest, my mind is actually just filled of memories of him...Lol!!! Ok, change of topic.
Well, last night we went to a party held by friends that just moved. I seriously love their new apartment. It's so homey. Like the whole setting kinda thing. A super comfortable place. And of course, had the chance to eat like lots of chinese food which of course occur rather rarely, was definitely great. Hihihi...
Overall, this whole week has been really a week packed with thrills and satisfaction.
Rock Climbing
Went to rock-climbing today with a few friends. One of them was the coach because he's really good in it. So he was teaching and all. Was really cool.
Among us, three of us were first comers. And one of my housemates was able to reach the top at the very first try. She's like totally amazing. The way she picked up everything is like totally cool. And the third time she went, she's like doing the hooking of rope and all already. Damn cool I tell you!!!
The other friend also managed to get to the top at the end. For me, I was really just practically struggling through the whole time. lol!!! Actually, it's quite expected because the strength of my arms are like super horrible and for one thing, i don't do sports normally.
Anyway, had a very nice time doing rock-climbing indeed other than the sore part. Well, other than having a super good-looking and nice coach, it's really a very nice sports. Maybe I'll be able to reach the top next time I go. Hihihi...Well, not keeping hopes high here. hahahahaha...
Among us, three of us were first comers. And one of my housemates was able to reach the top at the very first try. She's like totally amazing. The way she picked up everything is like totally cool. And the third time she went, she's like doing the hooking of rope and all already. Damn cool I tell you!!!
The other friend also managed to get to the top at the end. For me, I was really just practically struggling through the whole time. lol!!! Actually, it's quite expected because the strength of my arms are like super horrible and for one thing, i don't do sports normally.
Anyway, had a very nice time doing rock-climbing indeed other than the sore part. Well, other than having a super good-looking and nice coach, it's really a very nice sports. Maybe I'll be able to reach the top next time I go. Hihihi...Well, not keeping hopes high here. hahahahaha...
Guilt
Recently I found out that the lie that I told not long ago to trick a friend into doing something that friend wouldn't do ended up pushing that friend over the cliff. Well, technically similar.
So, these few days I was hit by pangs of guilt now and then. Well,when I first told the lie, I just said it because I was way too pissed off by how competitive this friend of mine was, and that friend reacted just the way I predicted. Well, except that the consequences weren't as what I expected. Haih..... First, there was rejection and then humiliation and then sadness. Yup, I didn't expect that the little lie I told actually brewed the ultimate poison of the above feelings and that my friend actually was intoxicated by it.
Damn...as I said those words, the image of me being a witch, stirring in a cauldron suddenly flashed into my mind. Lol!!!! Am I guilty as convicted? Hmm...I can actually come up with a few defences of my own, oh well, I did my friend some good that this friend actually now knows what this friend longed to know before right?
Anyway, hopefully this friend of mine will get the healing potion soon then. Just as long as the healing potion doesn't involve me in any part of it, thank you. I'm as messed up as I possibly could now, so I seriously need some peace than having to share my limited mind span in making another love potion or whatever for this friend.
So, these few days I was hit by pangs of guilt now and then. Well,when I first told the lie, I just said it because I was way too pissed off by how competitive this friend of mine was, and that friend reacted just the way I predicted. Well, except that the consequences weren't as what I expected. Haih..... First, there was rejection and then humiliation and then sadness. Yup, I didn't expect that the little lie I told actually brewed the ultimate poison of the above feelings and that my friend actually was intoxicated by it.
Damn...as I said those words, the image of me being a witch, stirring in a cauldron suddenly flashed into my mind. Lol!!!! Am I guilty as convicted? Hmm...I can actually come up with a few defences of my own, oh well, I did my friend some good that this friend actually now knows what this friend longed to know before right?
Anyway, hopefully this friend of mine will get the healing potion soon then. Just as long as the healing potion doesn't involve me in any part of it, thank you. I'm as messed up as I possibly could now, so I seriously need some peace than having to share my limited mind span in making another love potion or whatever for this friend.
What the heck is happening?!!!
Seriously, after a few nights of not being able to sleep, of course I was very happy the first night when I could finally just slipped into sleep like in a blink of an eye. Well then, that's good alright. But then, the bad thing is that, after that night, I find myself not being able to stay awake for more than two to three hours nowadays.
I mean, what the heck?!!! I seriously can't figure out my own body anymore. What's the meaning of all these?? My own body trying to play a trick on me? Great!!! Having to deal with ridiculous people is not enough, now I have to deal with my own body? Just great!
Anyway, as the days slowly creeping by, actually no, more like fastly flying by, I must say, the pressure is definitely settling in as I count down the days to my final exams. And it's definitely not helpful with the messed up exam terms. And having the lunatic state of body, I sure hope I can deal with everything alright. I would be so thankful to all readers of my blog to pray for me, pray for a good health and peace of mind. Thank you so much.
I mean, what the heck?!!! I seriously can't figure out my own body anymore. What's the meaning of all these?? My own body trying to play a trick on me? Great!!! Having to deal with ridiculous people is not enough, now I have to deal with my own body? Just great!
Anyway, as the days slowly creeping by, actually no, more like fastly flying by, I must say, the pressure is definitely settling in as I count down the days to my final exams. And it's definitely not helpful with the messed up exam terms. And having the lunatic state of body, I sure hope I can deal with everything alright. I would be so thankful to all readers of my blog to pray for me, pray for a good health and peace of mind. Thank you so much.
Insomnia
After a few sleepless nights, I finally can understand why those people suffering from insomnia might actually go crazy.
Seriously, the fact that I want to sleep but couldn't sleep is really driving me nuts. I know that I'm lacking of sleep and I really want to just sleep but somehow just couldn't sleep. The countless times of lying on bed and with the eyes fighting not to close, I mean, now I can totally understand the feelings of those people who eventually become depressed because of insomnia.
It's not that i don't want to sleep. Even my body's telling me that it wants to sleep and I'm waaaayyyy tired beyond words, but these eyes of mine just wouldn't close willingly. I tried not thinking about things before going to sleep but thoughts just wouldn't stop coming in. And the stress of not being able to sleep is really not helping my brain when it's quite exhausted to begin with.
Haih...I'm going to end up crazy if I don't do anything about it somehow. Maybe I should get help? I don't know...I'm just quite stressed up now about not being able to sleep.
Seriously, the fact that I want to sleep but couldn't sleep is really driving me nuts. I know that I'm lacking of sleep and I really want to just sleep but somehow just couldn't sleep. The countless times of lying on bed and with the eyes fighting not to close, I mean, now I can totally understand the feelings of those people who eventually become depressed because of insomnia.
It's not that i don't want to sleep. Even my body's telling me that it wants to sleep and I'm waaaayyyy tired beyond words, but these eyes of mine just wouldn't close willingly. I tried not thinking about things before going to sleep but thoughts just wouldn't stop coming in. And the stress of not being able to sleep is really not helping my brain when it's quite exhausted to begin with.
Haih...I'm going to end up crazy if I don't do anything about it somehow. Maybe I should get help? I don't know...I'm just quite stressed up now about not being able to sleep.
Irony
After a whole night not until 3am - 4am, having to wake up to jogging at 7am was like a total nightmare for me two days ago. And the fact that I hadn't slept a nice sleep for the past few nights were really annoying to me as well.
Then, on Saturday, after I told a friend of mine that I couldn't sleep, he asked me, "Why you couldn't sleep?" For a moment, I really wanted to tell the truth and say, "It's because I was thinking about you." What an irony it was!!! Hahaha...well, he's not really the main reason behind my imsomnia but one of the things that popped into my head was him. Just as many trivial things came into my head, he's just one of them.
Haih...after not getting enough sleep, thankfully I finally got my sleep last night. I couldn't believe that I actually slept at 10pm. Definitely, it was a welcoming sleep .
Then, on Saturday, after I told a friend of mine that I couldn't sleep, he asked me, "Why you couldn't sleep?" For a moment, I really wanted to tell the truth and say, "It's because I was thinking about you." What an irony it was!!! Hahaha...well, he's not really the main reason behind my imsomnia but one of the things that popped into my head was him. Just as many trivial things came into my head, he's just one of them.
Haih...after not getting enough sleep, thankfully I finally got my sleep last night. I couldn't believe that I actually slept at 10pm. Definitely, it was a welcoming sleep .
Another sleepless night...
Haih..............
I found myself couldn't sleep again so I ended up blogging. It's seriously getting more and more annoying that I can't seem to be able to sleep. And the worst thing is, not only I couldn't sleep, the stupid headache that's been bugging me when I was in Malaysia has made its major comeback. And for the last two days, I could find myself suddenly clutching my head anytime of the day and felt like just screaming the hell out of my lungs because of the excruciating pain in my head.
However, one thing i do realise is that, I do know the reason behind my imsomnia. Things are actually getting out of my hands and I couldn't help but keep on thinking about these things when I tried sleeping because there's this period of time before you sleep, when you're trying to make yourself to sleep and when everything's settling down, that's when you start thinking right? Yup, that's exactly the irony here. Because while I'm trying hard to sleep, more and more things somehow tend to pop up into my head and more and more things I have to think about...so in the end?....Couldn't sleep!!!!
Totally not a good thing!!!!
I found myself couldn't sleep again so I ended up blogging. It's seriously getting more and more annoying that I can't seem to be able to sleep. And the worst thing is, not only I couldn't sleep, the stupid headache that's been bugging me when I was in Malaysia has made its major comeback. And for the last two days, I could find myself suddenly clutching my head anytime of the day and felt like just screaming the hell out of my lungs because of the excruciating pain in my head.
However, one thing i do realise is that, I do know the reason behind my imsomnia. Things are actually getting out of my hands and I couldn't help but keep on thinking about these things when I tried sleeping because there's this period of time before you sleep, when you're trying to make yourself to sleep and when everything's settling down, that's when you start thinking right? Yup, that's exactly the irony here. Because while I'm trying hard to sleep, more and more things somehow tend to pop up into my head and more and more things I have to think about...so in the end?....Couldn't sleep!!!!
Totally not a good thing!!!!
Friend or foe?
There's this thought that kept on popping into my head every now and then recently. It's about a statement that I was not being a good friend.
I guess, it's quite true to some friends of mine but definitely NOT TRUE to this friend of mine. For one thing, this friend actually betrayed my trust at the beginning in order for this friend to have some conversation topic with other people. This friend of mine actually went and told everyone my secrets. And I became the "laughing stock" and the "news" for this friend and this friend's friends to talk about. So what kind of friend is my friend exactly?
And there this friend goes, telling everyone what kind of friend I am so on and so forth? Using a particular adjective to describe me which of course the adjective was introduced to this friend of mine myself. Lol!!!! Pathetic isn't it? And there this friend goes, being goody two face....
Haih... I also don't know why I'm so emotional about this all of a sudden. I don't even know why I'm being emotional recently. I just suddenly feel that it's unfair for me that this friend of mine went to tell everyone how bad I am a person and yet this friend of mine get to play good guy. Aiyer!!!!
I guess, it's quite true to some friends of mine but definitely NOT TRUE to this friend of mine. For one thing, this friend actually betrayed my trust at the beginning in order for this friend to have some conversation topic with other people. This friend of mine actually went and told everyone my secrets. And I became the "laughing stock" and the "news" for this friend and this friend's friends to talk about. So what kind of friend is my friend exactly?
And there this friend goes, telling everyone what kind of friend I am so on and so forth? Using a particular adjective to describe me which of course the adjective was introduced to this friend of mine myself. Lol!!!! Pathetic isn't it? And there this friend goes, being goody two face....
Haih... I also don't know why I'm so emotional about this all of a sudden. I don't even know why I'm being emotional recently. I just suddenly feel that it's unfair for me that this friend of mine went to tell everyone how bad I am a person and yet this friend of mine get to play good guy. Aiyer!!!!
Should I or should I not do something daring for once in my life?
Haih....something kept on popping into my head these past few days which caused my insomnia for quite a few nights...
For one thing, if I really do this thing, I'm gonna have to dig a hole and hide if things get out of hand. If it's alright, of course, I'll get incomparable happiness...lol...
"Chances are?" you might say. Well, that's the thing that's preventing from doing this daring and yet stupid thing as well. Chances are as slim as a needle or whatever it is they used to describe slim. Haih....
In the end, of course, I've come to a conclusion that satisfies myself. I should let everything proceed naturally. And another thing is, I don't even know how long this thing will last anyway. The most, if no more "interesting" things happen, probably in half a year maybe? The least, it'll actually be just a few weeks. So might as well, keep it a low profile right? And I'm really getting old, I should probably lay off the risky stuffs... Yup, I totally agree with myself on that. Lol..... Too much self-talking....Hahahahaha...
For one thing, if I really do this thing, I'm gonna have to dig a hole and hide if things get out of hand. If it's alright, of course, I'll get incomparable happiness...lol...
"Chances are?" you might say. Well, that's the thing that's preventing from doing this daring and yet stupid thing as well. Chances are as slim as a needle or whatever it is they used to describe slim. Haih....
In the end, of course, I've come to a conclusion that satisfies myself. I should let everything proceed naturally. And another thing is, I don't even know how long this thing will last anyway. The most, if no more "interesting" things happen, probably in half a year maybe? The least, it'll actually be just a few weeks. So might as well, keep it a low profile right? And I'm really getting old, I should probably lay off the risky stuffs... Yup, I totally agree with myself on that. Lol..... Too much self-talking....Hahahahaha...
Good looks + Good character = Impossible or what?
There's this guy that I know from outside school and he's like super good looking. Basically, he's like the best looking guy I've known so far. Anyway, before yesterday, I didn't exactly know him. When we met, we just smiled and were always pretty shy with each other. So we really didn't talked much before. Well, i would say that we hadn't even spoken to each other ten words before.
Anyway, yesterday, as we were involved in an activity together, where there were just four of us in a small group. So as we walked around the city, there were times where we were left alone as the two others were busy with other stuffs and so we talked quite a lot yesterday. I got to know about him more and him me kinda thing. And as expected, he did think that I was not a practising Christian.
Anyway, after yesterday's activity, I can really see he's honestly a great guy. He's very compassionate towards those that are less fortunate than he is. He's very considerate and really knows how to take care of everyone around him. Despite that we barely knew each other, he really was watching out for me as well during yesterday's activity. And he's really the type that you can have fun with. I really like his character a lot. And there's this time when on our way back, we met a dog that's like a bit high, then another friend of mine asked him to lead the way. After seeing that my friend was a bit scared, after he walked past the dog, he kinda sheltered the dog from us and asked us to walk first.
And there were a few times when I was pouring out from the thermoflask hot tea that I accidentally spilled a few times on his hands. And he didn't even get mad but just kept on encouraging me, saying that he took a few weeks to understand that as well.
I really had a nice time in getting to know such a nice guy like him. That's when I was thinking, it's just so impossible to be so perfect. How can someone be so good looking and has a nice heart as well.....
Anyway, yesterday, as we were involved in an activity together, where there were just four of us in a small group. So as we walked around the city, there were times where we were left alone as the two others were busy with other stuffs and so we talked quite a lot yesterday. I got to know about him more and him me kinda thing. And as expected, he did think that I was not a practising Christian.
Anyway, after yesterday's activity, I can really see he's honestly a great guy. He's very compassionate towards those that are less fortunate than he is. He's very considerate and really knows how to take care of everyone around him. Despite that we barely knew each other, he really was watching out for me as well during yesterday's activity. And he's really the type that you can have fun with. I really like his character a lot. And there's this time when on our way back, we met a dog that's like a bit high, then another friend of mine asked him to lead the way. After seeing that my friend was a bit scared, after he walked past the dog, he kinda sheltered the dog from us and asked us to walk first.
And there were a few times when I was pouring out from the thermoflask hot tea that I accidentally spilled a few times on his hands. And he didn't even get mad but just kept on encouraging me, saying that he took a few weeks to understand that as well.
I really had a nice time in getting to know such a nice guy like him. That's when I was thinking, it's just so impossible to be so perfect. How can someone be so good looking and has a nice heart as well.....
Warmth in Prague
As spring comes, more and more people are coming out and strolling in the park opposite my apartment. And you know, the best thing about living across a park is that you get to see many different things happening in the park. Heartwarming things that will just send you warming inside out.
Just like today, as the sun set, I saw a family of three, a father, mother and a maybe one year old toddler. And this family brought along a small dog with them, the kind that is white and fluffy kind. So the dog was walking in front of the family, totally happy, wagging its tail. The toddler was walking on its own with its father and mother totally relaxed beside him. All of a sudden, the toddler walked to the opposite direction in a very fast pace. At first, the parents didn't realize it. When they did realize, the toddler has walked a few feet away from them. The way the toddler was walking was totally cute. The father quickly ran after the toddler, and scooped the toddler up when he reached the toddler. Then the dog sensing that something was happening behind it, ran towards the father and the toddler while the mother was just being plain satisfied and laughed.
It was really nice to see all this kind of things happening around you. It makes you think that the this place is actually filled with humans as well.
Just like today, as the sun set, I saw a family of three, a father, mother and a maybe one year old toddler. And this family brought along a small dog with them, the kind that is white and fluffy kind. So the dog was walking in front of the family, totally happy, wagging its tail. The toddler was walking on its own with its father and mother totally relaxed beside him. All of a sudden, the toddler walked to the opposite direction in a very fast pace. At first, the parents didn't realize it. When they did realize, the toddler has walked a few feet away from them. The way the toddler was walking was totally cute. The father quickly ran after the toddler, and scooped the toddler up when he reached the toddler. Then the dog sensing that something was happening behind it, ran towards the father and the toddler while the mother was just being plain satisfied and laughed.
It was really nice to see all this kind of things happening around you. It makes you think that the this place is actually filled with humans as well.
Should our lives only revolve around the person we like?
Some time ago, a friend of mine said something to me which led me to notice about how a friend of ours's life only revolve around the girl that he likes. How he only hangs out around her, how he only has activities that MUST involve her, how he only has friends that the girl has....etc. Basically, his life is really just built around the girl.
So I was thinking, is that how it should be with people that are in a relationship? But then, what if (all I'm saying is "what if") their relationship doesn't end as expected? What would have become of the life of the person? I mean, he or she will just notice that he or she has nothing besides those that are in common with the person they were with right? I guess, basically, that's why they always say that when they break-up, their world is being taken from them?
Ahem...I'm not being judgemental here. But to me, it seems rather.....pathetic isn't it? To have your world revolve around just one person? I mean, even within family, we don't just have our lives around our family members. We go out and meet people and widen our world right? But that doesn't mean that we don't love our family right?
I mean, for me, I don't think that it's necessary to spend 24/7 around the person I like. I mean, I'm sure the person I'm with would feel that I'm too "sticky" around him right? And I'm sure, in order to do everything in sync with the person I like would make everyone else around me uncomfortable and unhappy right? I guess, it's healthier to have my work and my friends at my own pace.
But then again, I guess different people will have different opinion. Some people think that their lives should be just based on the person they love. It's just different for me.
So I was thinking, is that how it should be with people that are in a relationship? But then, what if (all I'm saying is "what if") their relationship doesn't end as expected? What would have become of the life of the person? I mean, he or she will just notice that he or she has nothing besides those that are in common with the person they were with right? I guess, basically, that's why they always say that when they break-up, their world is being taken from them?
Ahem...I'm not being judgemental here. But to me, it seems rather.....pathetic isn't it? To have your world revolve around just one person? I mean, even within family, we don't just have our lives around our family members. We go out and meet people and widen our world right? But that doesn't mean that we don't love our family right?
I mean, for me, I don't think that it's necessary to spend 24/7 around the person I like. I mean, I'm sure the person I'm with would feel that I'm too "sticky" around him right? And I'm sure, in order to do everything in sync with the person I like would make everyone else around me uncomfortable and unhappy right? I guess, it's healthier to have my work and my friends at my own pace.
But then again, I guess different people will have different opinion. Some people think that their lives should be just based on the person they love. It's just different for me.
Friends = Insurance policy??
Whoa....it's definitely been a while since I blogged. Anyway, during my short holiday back in Kuching, suddenly something came into my head - I realise that friends are sometimes like an insurance policy tailored specially for you.
Think about it like this,
Your friends pay you the kind of attention and care that is solely tailored just for you like how an insurance policy covers the different aspects and requirements according to the demand of the contributer. You'll notice how friends treat every other friend differently than how they treat another. This kind of treatment may be perfect for this one person but may not for the other one, so you'll have to fish out another kind of "special" treatment to this other person.
You pay a lot of feelings and heart into your friendship but you don't expect anything in return when things are going well, but when you meet any difficulties in life, you sure hope that the "payment" you've made before will somehow come back and give you the kind of kindness and concern you've invested. And this is exactly like insurance policy isn't it? You keep on paying for the insurance policy but you don't expect to get the money unless you've met with an accident or with any difficulties.
Hahahaha....of course, like insurance policy, the more you pay, the more compensation you'll get. Likewise, friendships are just like that, the more you care and the more sincere you are, your friendships will just grow into those insurance policies where the compensation is really a lot.
Think about it like this,
Your friends pay you the kind of attention and care that is solely tailored just for you like how an insurance policy covers the different aspects and requirements according to the demand of the contributer. You'll notice how friends treat every other friend differently than how they treat another. This kind of treatment may be perfect for this one person but may not for the other one, so you'll have to fish out another kind of "special" treatment to this other person.
You pay a lot of feelings and heart into your friendship but you don't expect anything in return when things are going well, but when you meet any difficulties in life, you sure hope that the "payment" you've made before will somehow come back and give you the kind of kindness and concern you've invested. And this is exactly like insurance policy isn't it? You keep on paying for the insurance policy but you don't expect to get the money unless you've met with an accident or with any difficulties.
Hahahaha....of course, like insurance policy, the more you pay, the more compensation you'll get. Likewise, friendships are just like that, the more you care and the more sincere you are, your friendships will just grow into those insurance policies where the compensation is really a lot.
Why do we suffer? Part 3
Psalm 6
In Psalm 6, the psalmist is praying for deliverance from physical and mental suffering. Christians often refer to the sufferring or sacrifice that comes as part of life as their cross to bear, because they see it as connected to Jesus' own suffering on the cross. Indeed, we all have crosses to bear. Some crosses are heavier than others, and like the psalmist, we ask God to deliver us from them. But unlike the psalmist, Christians also pray that God will transform their suffering and use it in some way for the good of others.
Lamentations
One purpose of the poems in Lamentations is to help the ancient Israelites heal from the horrible tragedy of their loss. The poems accomplish this in three ways. First, in describing Israel's present loss and tragedy, they acknowledge that grief and mourning are needed. Second, they challenge Israel to look at its past, both to accept responsibility for its sin and to remember its great blessings from God. Finally, they encourage Israel to have hope for the future. In image after image, Israel is assured that the door to God's mercy is still open, in spite of great pain and loss.
So too must we allow ourselves to grieve when we have experienced the loss of someone we love. If we wall up our grief - and perhaps our guilt, because guilt often accompanies such a loss - we may at the same time shut out those who can help us heal. We must also reclaim our memories of the person we lost, celebrating those of good times and healing those of hurtful times. Finally, as difficult as it may seem, we must open ourselves to the future, for God's love continues to be there for us, calling us to new life.
Isaiah 52.13-53.12
All the above comments were taken from my student's bible. Just wanted to share with friends who read my humble blog about the view on the sufferings we face in our daily life. No copyright intended.
In Psalm 6, the psalmist is praying for deliverance from physical and mental suffering. Christians often refer to the sufferring or sacrifice that comes as part of life as their cross to bear, because they see it as connected to Jesus' own suffering on the cross. Indeed, we all have crosses to bear. Some crosses are heavier than others, and like the psalmist, we ask God to deliver us from them. But unlike the psalmist, Christians also pray that God will transform their suffering and use it in some way for the good of others.
Lamentations
One purpose of the poems in Lamentations is to help the ancient Israelites heal from the horrible tragedy of their loss. The poems accomplish this in three ways. First, in describing Israel's present loss and tragedy, they acknowledge that grief and mourning are needed. Second, they challenge Israel to look at its past, both to accept responsibility for its sin and to remember its great blessings from God. Finally, they encourage Israel to have hope for the future. In image after image, Israel is assured that the door to God's mercy is still open, in spite of great pain and loss.
So too must we allow ourselves to grieve when we have experienced the loss of someone we love. If we wall up our grief - and perhaps our guilt, because guilt often accompanies such a loss - we may at the same time shut out those who can help us heal. We must also reclaim our memories of the person we lost, celebrating those of good times and healing those of hurtful times. Finally, as difficult as it may seem, we must open ourselves to the future, for God's love continues to be there for us, calling us to new life.
Isaiah 52.13-53.12
All the above comments were taken from my student's bible. Just wanted to share with friends who read my humble blog about the view on the sufferings we face in our daily life. No copyright intended.
A biblical verse to be shared
For in everything, O Lord! you have exalted and glorified your people,
and you have not neglected to help them at all times and in all places.
(Wisdom 19.22)
and you have not neglected to help them at all times and in all places.
(Wisdom 19.22)
Why do we suffer? Part 2
I, myself, have suffered a lot of loss and failure in just a year. And I, myself, have asked questions like why this kind of things happened to me. Then, one day, a friend told me, when we suffer, we can continue to blame God for what happened to us and continue to be miserable OR there's the happier way, we just pray and trust in Him that He knows what He's doing and He has bigger and better plans for us and go on with our lives.
Job 20-24, 38-41
Why are Jobs frinds so insistent that sin and suffering are connected? Why do they go on, chapter after chapter, telling Job that his suffering is a punishment for his sins? The author of the Book of Job uses the debate of Job and his friends to contrast two positions. The position of Job's friends is that God rewards people who are good and punishes those who are wicked: if Job is suffering terribly, the Job must have sinned terribly. Job's repeated denial of sin reveals the second position, which is that sometimes innocent people suffer. This second position is hard to argue because it leaves a huge question: Why?
Because Job has too much integrity to repent for sins he never committed, he keeps searching for another answer. Finally, Job makes an oath of innocence. Such and oath has God as its witness, and if it is false, it requires God to strike down the person who made it. But God appears to Job in an awesome show of power and reminds Job that human intelligence is too limited to comprehend the deeper mysterires of creation. God alone know why innocent people suffer; Job must trust God's plan.
Job 38.1-42.6
So, that's it? God just shows up, overwhelms Job with a bunch of questions he can't answer, and then gives Gob back double everything he lost? God doesn't even answer Job's question about why he had to suffer!
And what about our questions? Why do innocent children die? Why is someone we love taken from us? Why do people die from hungerin a world that has so much? Why did that plane crash? Why did our friend die?
Why Job was satisfied with God's response? Perhaps Job's mind and his heart struggled with God's answer, and his heart won. Maybe his heart told him to trust in God's love evenb when his mind couldn't understand the mystery of his suffering.
With Job, the Israelite people began to see the suffering of innocent people as mystery and not punishment. In the New Testament, this suffering would continue to be seen as mystery but also something more. The death of Jesus - the ultimate innocent suffering person - and his Resurrection led to the understand that God ultimately brings good our of the suffering of faithful people.
The above comments are not made by me but those were found in my study bible. So, no copyright intended.
Job 20-24, 38-41
Why are Jobs frinds so insistent that sin and suffering are connected? Why do they go on, chapter after chapter, telling Job that his suffering is a punishment for his sins? The author of the Book of Job uses the debate of Job and his friends to contrast two positions. The position of Job's friends is that God rewards people who are good and punishes those who are wicked: if Job is suffering terribly, the Job must have sinned terribly. Job's repeated denial of sin reveals the second position, which is that sometimes innocent people suffer. This second position is hard to argue because it leaves a huge question: Why?
Because Job has too much integrity to repent for sins he never committed, he keeps searching for another answer. Finally, Job makes an oath of innocence. Such and oath has God as its witness, and if it is false, it requires God to strike down the person who made it. But God appears to Job in an awesome show of power and reminds Job that human intelligence is too limited to comprehend the deeper mysterires of creation. God alone know why innocent people suffer; Job must trust God's plan.
Job 38.1-42.6
So, that's it? God just shows up, overwhelms Job with a bunch of questions he can't answer, and then gives Gob back double everything he lost? God doesn't even answer Job's question about why he had to suffer!
And what about our questions? Why do innocent children die? Why is someone we love taken from us? Why do people die from hungerin a world that has so much? Why did that plane crash? Why did our friend die?
Why Job was satisfied with God's response? Perhaps Job's mind and his heart struggled with God's answer, and his heart won. Maybe his heart told him to trust in God's love evenb when his mind couldn't understand the mystery of his suffering.
With Job, the Israelite people began to see the suffering of innocent people as mystery and not punishment. In the New Testament, this suffering would continue to be seen as mystery but also something more. The death of Jesus - the ultimate innocent suffering person - and his Resurrection led to the understand that God ultimately brings good our of the suffering of faithful people.
The above comments are not made by me but those were found in my study bible. So, no copyright intended.
Why Do We Suffer? Part 1
After recent encounters with lots of people who were angry for having lost their loved ones, and being asked why God allows this kind of things to happen to them. This is the very question that got most of my friends and me buffled. No one knows how to explain. So I started following a reading plan in my study bible that has the heading of "Why do we suffer?" So, I just want to really understand and possibly share with people what I've come to understand little by little.
Book of Tobit
In this book, it talks about how Tobit and Sarah suffered. In the story, the faithful Tobit, who is blinded after doing a good deed, and the virtuous Sarah, who is ridiculed because she has had seven husbands die on their wedding nigh, pray for death because of their suffering and humiliation. People may ask, what was the advantage of following God's law if all they had to look forward to was more suffering. But actually, God does eventually reward: it was just a matter of time.
Tobit Chapter 3
When Tobit and Sarah prayed that they may be set free from their suffering, God heard their prayers and sent Raphael to hel them. Despite how much we suffer, God hears us by our prayers and God will never abandon us but rather will show us His ultimate saving grace and love by making even better things happen in our future. No one can completely explain the mystery of why we suffer. But through our loving actions and prayers, we can support one another in our suffering.
Job 1:13-21
There are times we felt so angry at the loss of somethign that we cursed and swore to God. There are times we felt like just giving up on God because our loss. In the book of Job, a man named Job experiences an unimaginable loss. His children, his home, and his property are all destroyed at the same time. Job responds with great anger and great pain, but instead of cursing and blaming God, he blesses (praises) God. Job never loses his faith in God, even when he loses so much else. Through most of the rest of this book, he struggles to understand why this has to happen to him. When faced with great suffering, he does not lose his belief in the goodness of God, nor does he let his friends talk him into false confession of sinfulness. Like Job, we must not fall into the trap of thinking that when bad things happen, God is punishing us. But then again, then we end us with the question why we suffer right? The thing I've learnt is that God is too "big" for us to understand, His ways are not our ways, we have to trust in the Lord and just take our suffering as part of a mystery.
The above comments were found in my study bible. No copyrights intended.
Book of Tobit
In this book, it talks about how Tobit and Sarah suffered. In the story, the faithful Tobit, who is blinded after doing a good deed, and the virtuous Sarah, who is ridiculed because she has had seven husbands die on their wedding nigh, pray for death because of their suffering and humiliation. People may ask, what was the advantage of following God's law if all they had to look forward to was more suffering. But actually, God does eventually reward: it was just a matter of time.
Tobit Chapter 3
When Tobit and Sarah prayed that they may be set free from their suffering, God heard their prayers and sent Raphael to hel them. Despite how much we suffer, God hears us by our prayers and God will never abandon us but rather will show us His ultimate saving grace and love by making even better things happen in our future. No one can completely explain the mystery of why we suffer. But through our loving actions and prayers, we can support one another in our suffering.
Job 1:13-21
There are times we felt so angry at the loss of somethign that we cursed and swore to God. There are times we felt like just giving up on God because our loss. In the book of Job, a man named Job experiences an unimaginable loss. His children, his home, and his property are all destroyed at the same time. Job responds with great anger and great pain, but instead of cursing and blaming God, he blesses (praises) God. Job never loses his faith in God, even when he loses so much else. Through most of the rest of this book, he struggles to understand why this has to happen to him. When faced with great suffering, he does not lose his belief in the goodness of God, nor does he let his friends talk him into false confession of sinfulness. Like Job, we must not fall into the trap of thinking that when bad things happen, God is punishing us. But then again, then we end us with the question why we suffer right? The thing I've learnt is that God is too "big" for us to understand, His ways are not our ways, we have to trust in the Lord and just take our suffering as part of a mystery.
The above comments were found in my study bible. No copyrights intended.
Things always don't turn out to be expected
On Sunday, when I was waiting for the tram to go to church, I was very happy until the tram came, and the person standing in the tram was the person I'm scared of most. My heart actually felt like it stopped at that second when I saw him. Then, I was made a quick thinking and took a turn to ride on the other carriage of the tram. Unfortunately, the guy saw me and came and tapped me and went on the same carriage as me. After that, I desperately tried calling everyone I know, seriously, desperately. But as if my luck had run out, none of the people i called answered my phone until after quite a while. All the while, I was thinking of just hopping off the tram and just gave up going to the church. I was that scared. Then, until my friend gave me advise to linger in the church before taking a seat, and until the scary guy went to sit, I was like some crazy person that couldn't think properly. Even when my friend hugged me, it didn't seem to have any effect on me. When my friend was talking to me, my mind kept on thinking, "Has he taken his seat?", "Is he around still?"...
After that Sunday, the scary guy kept on haunting me. There were times when I nearly ran screaming when he suddenly popped into my head. I'm really that scared of him.
You know, there are so many people that I really want to have a chance to bump into on the streets but why on earth it turned out to be the scary guy I bumped into? I mean, seriously, there are some people I haven't seen like ages but was thinking of meeting them on the streets, but it just never happened. Haih...
I really hope that I will never ever meet the scary guy again....
After that Sunday, the scary guy kept on haunting me. There were times when I nearly ran screaming when he suddenly popped into my head. I'm really that scared of him.
You know, there are so many people that I really want to have a chance to bump into on the streets but why on earth it turned out to be the scary guy I bumped into? I mean, seriously, there are some people I haven't seen like ages but was thinking of meeting them on the streets, but it just never happened. Haih...
I really hope that I will never ever meet the scary guy again....
Rotting away
A few days ago, someone asked me, "So what do you do as hobby?". Well, of course, I haven't really considered that kind of questions since I went into secondary school. Anyway, the first thing that came into my mind and blurted out was, "Rotting away."
I mean, seriously, these past few days, without anything to do, I was just practically just sitting there and let myself rot away. When I watch series, I will be rather not into the series. When I listen to music, I won't be listening to the songs as well.
It's a hard life, I must say. After few years of being extremely "working-hard", it just feels so weird to be so "nothing-to-do". Haih.....
And so, that's how I began 2011. Wow!!! Now that I actually typed out the numbers 2011, I just realised, it's really 2011!!! So so sad!!! Time really passes by too fast!!!! But of course, there's the good side to time passing so fast, because it'll mean that I'm going home soon!!!! Yay!!! I can actually start counting down. Heheheheheh....
Maybe I won't feel so bored at home then. But then again, after I go home, I won't get to see many people, which is of course the bad side of it, especially those who are leaving soon, it'll just mean that I'll have really little time with them. Haih............So sad......
I mean, seriously, these past few days, without anything to do, I was just practically just sitting there and let myself rot away. When I watch series, I will be rather not into the series. When I listen to music, I won't be listening to the songs as well.
It's a hard life, I must say. After few years of being extremely "working-hard", it just feels so weird to be so "nothing-to-do". Haih.....
And so, that's how I began 2011. Wow!!! Now that I actually typed out the numbers 2011, I just realised, it's really 2011!!! So so sad!!! Time really passes by too fast!!!! But of course, there's the good side to time passing so fast, because it'll mean that I'm going home soon!!!! Yay!!! I can actually start counting down. Heheheheheh....
Maybe I won't feel so bored at home then. But then again, after I go home, I won't get to see many people, which is of course the bad side of it, especially those who are leaving soon, it'll just mean that I'll have really little time with them. Haih............So sad......
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