Every break up is definitely straining both physically and emotionally, except probably in those cases where the relationships didn't have a correct start to begin with. But when you started a relationship, you never thought of breaking someone's heart or having your heart broken.
Initiating a break-up is not something easy, in contrast with what they portrayed in movies or dramas. These movies or dramas did not exactly focus on the one initiating the break up but rather on the one who had their hearts broken, which of course, increases the depression of the one initiating the break-up.
When someone says that he or she wants to back out from a long relationship, and he or she says, "It's not your fault. It's totally my fault." For one thing, they really do mean it. When you breakup with someone, it means you're breaking all the promises to the other person while you were in the relationship. The promises such as, "You will always be in my life...", "We will have a happy future together..", "I will be by your side always..", "I will always protect you and never hurt you..." etc.
However, when you find out that you can't see the future with that someone, and that you think that the other person deserve someone better, it's like you're actually walking back on your promises. It's like you're telling the other person, "My future will not have you...", "We will never have future together..", "I will never be by your side..." and "I will only hurt you more.."etc.
The one who is initiating the breakup will have to go through the torments of these thoughts before they do it. The guilt, the embarrassment, the thought of the sufferings you're going to inflict on the other person can definitely drive you crazy. You blame yourself for not being able to stay faithful and not being able to persuade yourself to include the other person in your life. Yet, not being able to wholeheartedly fulfill the promises seems more cruel to the other person. A short term pain is definitely better than a long term pain.
So, in the end, you decided to tell that someone you want to back out from the relationship. You see that person falls into despair. You see the world around that person seems to crash down right in front of your eyes, like a snow globe being smashed to the ground - a perfect but imaginary world being crashed. You wish that you could turn back the time, to the time where you never made the promises...to the time when you did not agree to the relationship.. to the time when the other person have never known you...no matter how grateful you are for the memories you have together.
Then you'll try to persuade yourself that the other person would only be sad for the time being and he or she would come around somehow. You would hope that the other person would not hate you after that, to the point of even erasing the memories between you. But if hatred or anger could help that person to be better, it still seems all the better. And you'll hope that someday, another person would heal the hurt that you've given to the other person.
Over the border?
Sometimes, I wonder, how to define the border? Where exactly is the border? Does someone knows if what he or she is doing is over the border?
After seeing the things that happened, I can't help but wonder, sometimes what this person I know is doing, is actually good for the other person? It's like when everything's actually concluded and that this person actually drew the line, somehow this person blurs the line again and raising up hopes for the other person.
I mean, I never understood why some things you have to draw a line before this. But now that I actually see what not drawing the line can cause, I finally understand why. And even if that means hurting the other person along the way, but still an "acute" pain is way better than "chronic" pain..Lol!!! Okay, now seriously I can say I do study...
But then again, I can never understand some people can actually come back again and again to the person that hurt them so many times before, and to make matters worse, the countless times they got hurt weren't just mild pain. From what I observe, it's really amazing how humans feed off on hope. The very tiny "drop" of hope can actually just make them continuing what they do and not giving up. Not to say that this is bad,in fact it's very good at times. But, in some matters, yes, it is very bad and I would say it's actually rather unfortunate.
Unfortunately I have to watch whatever that's going on keep on going on and I can't make any comments because I know what I say will never get into whoever's head and they will just brush things off because of the hope they get and give, and because their definitions of "being virtuous" and "pathetic" are different than mine. They will have to learn this lesson themselves,that is, if they ever come to the conclusion.I mean, I sure don't want to get myself tangled up in another ugly mess again even if they're all my close ones. Whoever they are, they'll have to sort this out themselves.
After seeing the things that happened, I can't help but wonder, sometimes what this person I know is doing, is actually good for the other person? It's like when everything's actually concluded and that this person actually drew the line, somehow this person blurs the line again and raising up hopes for the other person.
I mean, I never understood why some things you have to draw a line before this. But now that I actually see what not drawing the line can cause, I finally understand why. And even if that means hurting the other person along the way, but still an "acute" pain is way better than "chronic" pain..Lol!!! Okay, now seriously I can say I do study...
But then again, I can never understand some people can actually come back again and again to the person that hurt them so many times before, and to make matters worse, the countless times they got hurt weren't just mild pain. From what I observe, it's really amazing how humans feed off on hope. The very tiny "drop" of hope can actually just make them continuing what they do and not giving up. Not to say that this is bad,in fact it's very good at times. But, in some matters, yes, it is very bad and I would say it's actually rather unfortunate.
Unfortunately I have to watch whatever that's going on keep on going on and I can't make any comments because I know what I say will never get into whoever's head and they will just brush things off because of the hope they get and give, and because their definitions of "being virtuous" and "pathetic" are different than mine. They will have to learn this lesson themselves,that is, if they ever come to the conclusion.I mean, I sure don't want to get myself tangled up in another ugly mess again even if they're all my close ones. Whoever they are, they'll have to sort this out themselves.
Another "great" discovery of "species"
Okay, I realize, that all my blogs recently have been just filled with anger...Sigh, well, seriously I just can't be blamed for it because there's just like a lot of different people taking turns on getting on my nerves and probably because of the looming exams..
Anyway, as I've mentioned above, I've again discovered a new kind of "species" of human beings.
So I was talking to this person and what this person (from here, I'll just use "it" to denote this person rather than "this person" which would just make the whole passage messy)said totally blew me off.
It told me that its family would not object to it befriending a certain person if the family background is good. I was like, what the fuck. I mean, what was it thinking? I mean, does it really think that it comes from some noble family and that it's looking for a good spouse who's as of the same rank in medieval age meh? Fuah!!!
I mean, we have no rights to discriminate people because of their background or even criticize someone's parents who work as something-not-being-approved or anything like that. I mean, these parents work hard to put meal on the table for their children as well, it's just because they just probably weren't borned with the privilege of having a better jobs or probably financial background. We definitely have no rights to even say anything about their family background. I mean, really? At this modern age, this kind of thinking still exist!!!
I must say, I've definitely met my fair share of different kinds of people and each day, new category appears. This world definitely is filled with different kinds of people.
Anyway, as I've mentioned above, I've again discovered a new kind of "species" of human beings.
So I was talking to this person and what this person (from here, I'll just use "it" to denote this person rather than "this person" which would just make the whole passage messy)said totally blew me off.
It told me that its family would not object to it befriending a certain person if the family background is good. I was like, what the fuck. I mean, what was it thinking? I mean, does it really think that it comes from some noble family and that it's looking for a good spouse who's as of the same rank in medieval age meh? Fuah!!!
I mean, we have no rights to discriminate people because of their background or even criticize someone's parents who work as something-not-being-approved or anything like that. I mean, these parents work hard to put meal on the table for their children as well, it's just because they just probably weren't borned with the privilege of having a better jobs or probably financial background. We definitely have no rights to even say anything about their family background. I mean, really? At this modern age, this kind of thinking still exist!!!
I must say, I've definitely met my fair share of different kinds of people and each day, new category appears. This world definitely is filled with different kinds of people.
What counts?
After years of befriending people and being a friend to others, I've met people who have come up with different criteria for them to consider someone to be a good friend. But somehow, the people I've met never mentioned sincerity before. Probably,it's because the friends that I have never befriended someone who's not sincere as for one thing, this kind of people are like, one in a million kind.
Ah well, I don't know if I'm lucky or what, but I somehow met this kind of one-in-a-million person. I mean, it's like I've never seen anyone who can be as superficial as this one person that I know and I've never understood "insincere" this word until I've met this person because I always thought that it's just impossible to be insincere when you're befriending someone. I mean, the whole point of friendship is to just take your sincerity and show that sincerity to your friends and not pretend to be sincere when you're obviously not.
Damn!! I mean, no one's not gonna blame you if you don't try be a good person and stop trying so damn hard to make sure everyone gives you that stamp "excellent friend". No one's going to blame you if you don't find anything interesting. No one's going to blame you if you just make yourself not available for closeness, but faking everything about caring and just faking being a friend, that's like totally a mind-blowing crap and pathetic!!!
Well the thing is, what I gained from this is, just adding another category to the people I've met in my 22 years of life.
Ah well, I don't know if I'm lucky or what, but I somehow met this kind of one-in-a-million person. I mean, it's like I've never seen anyone who can be as superficial as this one person that I know and I've never understood "insincere" this word until I've met this person because I always thought that it's just impossible to be insincere when you're befriending someone. I mean, the whole point of friendship is to just take your sincerity and show that sincerity to your friends and not pretend to be sincere when you're obviously not.
Damn!! I mean, no one's not gonna blame you if you don't try be a good person and stop trying so damn hard to make sure everyone gives you that stamp "excellent friend". No one's going to blame you if you don't find anything interesting. No one's going to blame you if you just make yourself not available for closeness, but faking everything about caring and just faking being a friend, that's like totally a mind-blowing crap and pathetic!!!
Well the thing is, what I gained from this is, just adding another category to the people I've met in my 22 years of life.
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