Lost Posted by Bubbly89 , Friday, March 9, 2012 at 3:45 AM, in

After four years studying medicine in this unreasonable university, I realize that I have somehow lost myself along the way. I know, that I had addressed this problem so many times before another revelation hit me just now, but funny as it is, I still lost myself so many times.

Before I got this scholarship, I had a vision of me helping those helpless or sick, with either my skills as a doctor or with my personality of being cheerful always to help my patients to be optimistic in whatever they're going through.

As years gone by, beaten by the never ending failures and stress of exams, I've lost so much of myself along the way that I don't know if I'm still the same person as what I used to be - cheerful and optimistic. What more to say, to use the personality I've adapted over the years to help people to be optimistic. It's rather more likely that I will cause my patients to suffer because of my pessimism.

I was aiming to be a doctor who will help to cure people who has no capability to have their health taken care of, i.e. I was dreaming to become a doctor not because of the promising pay that this profession has to offer. But, after having a conversation with a friend a few days ago, and reviewing my own point of view, I realized that all I was thinking about was how to make more money as a doctor such as looking for countries which pay best. So, what has become of me that had a beautiful vision of just helping people?

In the end, I don't know how I got so lost in this path of mine. I don't know when did I start to lose sight of my vision. And I don't know what kind of human have I become.