Confusion and despair Posted by Bubbly89 , Saturday, June 5, 2010 at 12:47 PM, in

Lately, or should I say almost a month now, I was haunted by this guy from my church. He's just a normal guy and a super nice guy. BUT, I just don't know why I am really scared of him . Like really scared kinda thing. When I think of him, I will have cold sweat kinda thing. Like I will feel helpless and really frightened. And even when I'm typing about this now, I can feel the fear. I seriously don't understand why.

Talked to my friend about this and we settled with it's one of those times where you just venged your depression to a particular someone and he happened to be the unfortunate one. But then again, when she saw him, she thought that he's weird also but in an unexplainable way. So, what can I say? However, she doesn't have the feelings that I have. But seriously, this guy is really haunting me.

Because of him, I tried not going to the Sunday mass but I have no choice because I need to meet my friend who's leaving soon for good. So, I had to bear to the thoughts of him suddenly popping up and sat beside me. And of course, chances are very high when the community is so small. There was this time, he sat beside me and I tell you, the whole time, I couldn't even concentrate during the mass.

So imagine how scared am I of this guy?

So, today as I didn't go to the Sunday one but the Saturday one, I thought I wouldn't meet him for sure. When I was leaving, there he was, standing but was not looking at my direction. Chills went down my spine. Was in utter despair for a moment before my brain worked out the math of leaving the church FAST. So, went to return the book quickly and practically like took super long strides out of the church as fast as I could while of course trying to keep my cool and not freak out.

I seriously feel guilty and scared at the same time towards this guy. Scared for no reasons. Maybe subconciously I know something is wrong but conciously nothing seems wrong. And guilty for feeling scared about him.

Am totally freaked out now just by talking about him and thinking about all the encounters with him. Seriously bad sign. Need help to solve this mystery.