Where is the old "me"? Posted by Bubbly89 , Sunday, March 7, 2010 at 12:12 PM, in

Seriously, looking back, I've definitely changed a lot i guess. To compare how I was when I was before 12 and now, definitely different.

I was a very carefree person when I was young. I mean, I couldn't even give a damn about my results and all. I can still remember during UPSR, I didn't even turn a single page of my books. What I did was, went to the super early mass and then went for Laksa then it's off to the exam hall. And without my mom keeping track of the subjects that I was supposed to have, I guess I would have entered the hall and just know the subject when the papers were handed to me. It was so much fun that time. However, of course, because i had interest in some of the subjects, I just learn them without caring about the "big" exam. Got to know that the results were supposed to come out from the radio the day before. Hehe....I really miss that time.

Now, constantly worried about how am I supposed to control my addiction to drama series and stuffs like that so that I can study.

When I first decided to become a doctor, the main reason was that I could share my "cheerfulness" with my patients and of course at the same time able to help them. But then, it seems to be impossible now. I mean, looking at how pathetic I've become, seriously, I sometimes feel that the motivation of being a doctor is actually long gone before I knew it. Every now and then, would question myself, why am I doing this? Why did i have to be so ambitious? What started as an interest suddenly feels like a burden.

Confusions and self-debating has become part of my every day routine.

But somehow, I made it through first year, and definitely only with His help. And because of this, I know that what He wants me to be, is to be a doctor. But, I can't seem to think of any reason for me to be one.